Home

You can find this post over at www.4hundredand25.com.  Come visit.  I will be doing most of my posting there from now on.  Looking for blogging buddies, so please make yourself known.  Join and leave a comment and I will do the same for you!  See you there!  You can also find me at www.shesaidinherhead.blogspot.com but this one is a secret so shhhh.

A long time ago a friend once said to me that 'wherever you go, there you are'.  I only partially understood that at the time but it always stayed with me and has kept me asking two questions of myself.  Where am I?  Who am I when I'm here? 

I just spent the last 6 weeks in the small town I grew up in.  This year it took me longer to settle in, mostly because the place had already taken on a life of its own before I got there ~ my sister and her family were halfway through their month long vacation and my brother had parked his fifth-wheel there for July.  Add to this, husband and I bought the little house next door and we (ok, him more than we) worked for weeks to do/coordinate painting, flooring, repairs and some landscaping.

As a rule, when I go home, I go home alone.  And I really like it that way!  So it threw me a bit to find myself in the middle of so much activity with no place to chisel out the solitude I expect to have while I'm there.  Eventually everyone went home, the house projects ended and perhaps not so surprisingly, I really missed them all when the house finally quieted.

Home for me is a place rich in layers.  Not just in that it is where I grew up but more in who I find myself to be as I grow older.  One evening last week as I was going for a walk, I decided on a detour through the graveyard.  My great-uncle Sterling had been buried there just the day before at a grand old age of 94.  He was my grandmother's brother from a family of 15 children.  I attended the funeral and even though perhaps one shouldn't feel gratified at such an occasion, that is exactly how it was for me.  A sense of enduring history and belonging to people whose DNA I have the markers of  and carry around with me as I move in the world.  I couldn't help but think of those who don't know who they are, don't know where they come from.  Here, all around me, both the living and the dead were practically shouting in my head that this is my tribe, this is where I came from, this is an anchor when the world seems to set me adrift.  And I do love to be set adrift.  On this night, I enjoyed the long shadows and the setting sun as it lit names, dates and inscriptions.  I stopped and talked with Art and Nanny and of course Rolls and Yvonne for a while.  They were all giants in my life and remains so.  I've learned that people don't have to be with you for you to feel them, to garner their courage and to make them proud.

Also when I'm home there is all of my own personal history. The child that doesn't want to take her feet out of the river, the girl that still wants the boy, the adult I never though I would become but grateful that I did.  I always come face to face with who I was, who I am and the door of continual opening that can at times be hinged too tight.  Foundational roots that grow through the shale at the river's edge.  Just like the trees overtaking the riverbank, I see myself in all this beauty, some parts are evergreen while others change their colour, shrivel before falling to the ground and lose their leaves for a season.  In yoga trees are a great metaphor for our yin and yang, the dichotomy of our inherent male and female energies.   Shiva, our male aspect allows us to reach for the sky, growing out and upward while Suka, our female selves bring us back to the earth, growing us deeper and richer in experience.  We need both to expand the walls of our desires.

I'm satisfied that I let go of a few things this summer, even though when the time came I still wasn't ready to leave.  Someday I will be free of all that does not serve me.  Then again, maybe I won't!  Just as I feel myself gaining on the list, new challenges come into the rear-view mirror.  Regardless, I once again shed my skin and will be content with that for now, knowing that wherever I go, I'm grateful for this journey and don't mind being just who I am.

New poetry... over here.  Come by for a visit.

Behaving Badly

I've been acting badly this week.  And now I'm in that sad, lonely aftermath of regret.  Wishing that I was better at shutting up and not always so eager to tell those around me the way I see things and consequently why I am right.  I'm quite accomplished at making speeches.  It's never a good thing when you've grown tired of your own voice.

It's been a taxing last 5 days.  Perhaps the busiest week of the year.  I'm happy it is behind me now and if I can log 10 or 12 hours this weekend, I'll be in good shape for year end.  It is almost laughable (and perhaps I will acutally laugh about it in July) at how bad I am at handling June stressors.  I just hate that overwhelmed feeling of too much to do and not enough time to do it.  I lose perspective and basically hand over a microphone to that voice inside my head that no one else, including me, should be listening to.

So for tonight I am taking some regrouping time.  Going to work quietly in my classroom, sorting and grading.  Looking for a little redemption.

Tomorrow is another day.

More Light, Less Shadows

I've been blogging for a long time.  About 7 years.  My first blog I deleted in a fit of anger and insecurity.  I regret that, it was a dumb thing to do but at least I learned a lesson from the impulsivity of doing so.  I began this current blog, In My Element, 5 years ago just as we were making the move from Halifax to Remote Rural Town, Alberta.

Thinking back on that time, I really needed the change.  In those moments I didn't know how to make the changes necessary on the inside without taking myself to a new physical landscape.  And it was so good!  I spent the first 6 months voraciously reading books by Marianne Williamson, Depak Chopra, Wayne Dyer and Eckart Tolle.   While life will always ebb and flow, expand and contract; those days really set the stage for some incredible personal growth that has ultimately taught me to nurture myself and live more fully from my heart.

Today my heart is open.  I want to invite people in to share in it.  But I find my heart is not so open as to be completely fearless.  This blog has been a sacred place for me.  Not unlike rosary beads that I move through my hands, contemplating and praying for wisdom.  I am however, ready for a new space in life with more light and less shadows to hide in.

In Celebration

In celebration of my upcoming adventure I've started a new blog...  Hope you will come by and take a look!

4 hundred and 25

Another Day for Happiness

So despite yesterday not being my best day in a while... I did recover quickly and live to embrace another day.  So what is making me happy today?  This!



It might sound a little crazy but I've been dreaming of having chickens and collecting my own organic eggs.  This one is designed for urban chicken cooping.  How cool is that!  I think I almost have Jeremy convinced to build it for me!

Live life in whatever direction makes you happy!  Maybe we should all free range a little more!

PS ~ The photo will link you up with all you ever wanted to know about urban cooping!

Can a Good Down Dog Save Your Life?

Living this far north (almost at the 60th parallel) one mixed blessing we have this time of year is daylight.  Right now it is light until almost 11 o'clock at night.  There are many things I LOVE about these long days.  With all of those 'loves' aside, getting kids to bed at a reasonable hour becomes the impossible task.

Today I got to enjoy (sarcasm) a whole class full of children who had, by Wednesday of this week, already exceeded the functional limited of exhaustion.  Now I am by nature an optimistic person.  But even I could not stand in the face of such overwhelming circumstances.

I came home at the end of this day completely tapped out, nothing left to give.  I laid on the couch for a while and watched two DVR'd episodes of Oprah, thinking the whole time that I hated her and I couldn't tolerate her success or her money or all of the eff'ing good she has done in the world.  Most days I quite adore the woman.   But today all I could see was the contrast of her world and mine.  On one show she was giving people make-overs.  If you could have seen me at the time, I'm sure you would have thought me worthy of a nomination.

Then I thought about how poorly I was handling my state of mind.  Which just made me feel worse.

Truth is, there are times in life when we just feel low.  We get thrown off balance unsuspectingly and find that our rebound muscle isn't flexing.  For me, these circumstances are almost always born out of fatigue and overwhelment.  In such moments it is easy to open the gates and allow a flood of negative memories and emotions to come rushing in.  Much easier in fact than to do the thing that is best for us, and that is to stop the deluge in its tracks.  The pity party dress is not so pretty.

So I turned off the TV and folded up the blanket I'd been hiding under.  Reassured myself I'm not really fat.  And went and found my yoga mat.

Sometimes you just have to reach in a better feeling direction.  Sometimes turning the corner is all the work you really have to do, the rest just shows up.

The Cause of Unwanted Things

I thought this was so very powerful!  I trust the listening will also empower you.

Declarations (of sorts)

Wow!  I so feel like I have been on blogging hiatus and all the things I've left unsaid are suddenly needing to be free'd!  I love the rush of it all moving through me in a free fall of sorts!  There are a couple of things that have been pressing on me and drawing my attention.

1.  To veg or not to veg?  Lately the idea of becoming a vegetarian has been making strong inroads into my heart.  I never imagined that I would even entertain the idea (mmm, the delicious smell of turkey) but I am definitely losing resonance with being a meat eater!  For most of my life I suppose I ate quite unconsciously, not thinking about where my food came from or how it was processed.   This is no longer the case.  There is a large part of me that wants to settle into my house in the Maritimes, grow a garden and have a chicken coop for fresh free-range (non-corn fed) eggs.  I am not declaring anything here, just an acknowledgement that every time I eat animal protein I have a sinking feeling inside.  Knowing that what that animal suffered so I can eat a big juicy steak definitely takes away the juicy-ness!

2.  Writing.  I love to write.  I love to wrap words up together and sling-shot them around the page.  I fantasize about sitting in quiet places marrying thoughts and fonts together.  Drinking gallons of Starbucks lattes.  I love the feeling of characters taking shape in my heart, becoming so real they need to have a home of their own, laid down in foundations of black and white.  Sometimes (most of the time) when I get into the zone, the words just fall on to the page in perfect order.  Days later, I will go back and re-read, as though I am seeing it, feeling it for the first time and think "Damn! I wrote that!  That came through me!".  I've always wanted to be a writer.  As  a kid/teenager I would sit at the river and just write for hours at a time.  I even had a pen name picked out but now I know I will just go with my own name:  Angela Mitchell and own it and be proud of the expressions I put down on paper.  In the coming year, I am going to write and write prolifically!  Stay tuned!

3.  Uncertainty is good!  I'm not a person that needs everything to be the same all the time.  That is, in fact, the exact opposite of who I am.  I love not knowing what is around the corner, I want the unexpectedness of life.  I want it to change on a dime.  I want the joy of adapting and learning and growing.  I want to take more risks, go further than I've ever gone before and trust that it is all going to be okay.  Because it will be.  Is there a worst case scenario?  Is there a place that you can't come back from without at least having learned something valuable along the way?

Many blessings on your day and a little Sheryl for the journey.

PS ~ I've decided to give up sugar for the next two weeks (just getting a bit out of control).  Heaven help us all in this household!

creative

I had been feeling pretty tapped out for the last month or so.  Putting all of the creative energy I could muster into school and my yoga classes.  (BTW, yoga... incredible!  Makes my heart sing to share it with others.) So needless to say, the blog has suffered.  BUT, as all things in life are temporary, I am happy to report that after just a few days of down time (currently on Easter break) I once again seem to be teeming with inspiration.

This week feels like a glimpse into what will be possible for next year.  I am both excited and grateful.  I used to get very worried when I felt cut off creatively.  Now I realize it is a matter of letting go, getting out of the way and it miraculously returns every time.  Ideas do not need to be relentlessly pursued, they need to flow.   I know that when I am tapped out, I have in effect erected a dam that is holding it all away from me on the other side.  The good news, it is still all there waiting for me!

Also, of late I've been very into the Teachings of Abraham.   Below is a sampling.  If this wets your appetite for more, search YouTube as there are lots of videos there to help enlarge your understanding.

100 Words

I was driving today.
Alone, thinking the road could never be long enough
to let all my thoughts find wings.
Music loud but not enough to drown me out.
Joyfully letting my heart be occupied,
making lists of all it is drawing out of the aether.

Blue Rodeo sang Bad Timing.
I thought of you.  And smiled.  Is this what we are?
Across all of these imaginary miles, are we coming together
or getting further apart?
Will our bodies ever meet our minds?

It is all there.  Riding particles that ebb and flow.
Moving streams of rocketing desire and destiny.

no ordinary day

something wonderful today happened.  to me.  i received, in the mail, official approval for next year's sabbatical leave!

and I don't really know what I'm going to do yet.  but for sure I am going to fill it up with beauty.  photography, writing, painting, reading, walking, yoga, breathing.  going to jam pack it up with these wonderful things.

perhaps I shall never come back. i know i shall never be the same.  

Always A Woman

I was thinking just how much this reflects my mood today.

emerging

i keep taking these deep breathes and holding them in my chest for a bit just to savour them.  my awareness of the air around me has changed.  i can feel things riding, floating, finding their way to me.  it is quite effortless apart from my observation of the invisible.

amazingly i have managed to turn myself right-side out.  as though all my internal twisting and morphing and knotted thinking has come to a conclusion of this particular phase.  the reflection is different even though the body from everyone else's eyes still looks more or less the same.

for such a long time it was about letting go.  letting go of all the things that no longer serve me.   i have succeeded.  the allowing is to begin.  to open up to the parts that do serve me.  that rocket me along into the fullness of living.  we are here for joy.  for understanding.  for courage to find ourselves among the stories being played out by the lives through whom we embed ourselves.

Ingrid Michaelson - Everybody

I Won't Let Myself Get in the Way

Loving this song by Georgia Murray.  Enjoy!

Opening to Grace

Every week I've been striving for a different focus in my Sunday night yoga session.  Of all the yoga classes and teachers I have had, the one that impacted me the most always set an intention for the work we would do in that hour.  This resonated with me right away.  Not only was I able to bring more ease to the practice but also became more open to surrendering myself spiritually to the poses.

This week we'll focus on opening ourselves up to grace. 

There is something intuitively powerful about the word grace.  It holds within it an intrinsic beauty of expansion. When we extend grace to ourselves, we cannot keep it from others.  We can find grace within and we can also channel it from beyond ourselves.  Accepting grace is an act of surrender to a benevolent source that seeks to watch all things grow and develop into what the cosmic orchestra has ordained for them to be.

Grace can catch us unaware.  We feel it when we share in the joy and pain of another.  It washes over us and cleanses as it moves.  Grace is like a benediction.  A prayer for peace.  For mercy.  For forgiveness.   It is a call to compassion and charity.  Grace abounds.   It is limitless, a cup that over-flows. 

So today, give thanks for all that has been so richly bestowed upon you.  Allow and accept the generosity of all that is graceful to be yours.  Abide in grace.  

Aspiring

I'm pondering tonight.  There is so much shit going on in the world.  And here I sit in the comfort and peace of my living room a million miles away from dictators, civil war, thwarted human rights, earthquakes, tsunami aftermath and the threat of nuclear reactor melt-down.  It would seem the Chinese curse of "may you live in interesting times" couldn't be more applicable.

Last night I watched the documentary Force of Nature/ David Suzuki.  I was moved to tears several times by this biography of such a thoughtful, intelligent, perceptive, humble man.  Suzuki oozes passion for the love of this planet.   We all know him as an environmentalist, but this doc brings you into his personal space, the events that have forged this exceptional human being.  

An interesting tie into current events is that Suzuki is a second generation Japanese Canadian.  Both he and his parents were born on Canadian soil in Vancouver.  This however did not insulate them from an onslaught of racism following the bombing of Pearl Harbour.  Anti-Japanese sentiment was at an all time high.  Suzuki's grandparents were returned by ship to Hiroshima while the remaining family members (along with many other Japanese-Canadian citizens living in the lower mainland of Canada's west coast) were sent to the Slocan Valley in British Columbia.  Not long after, Hiroshima was the casualty of the world's first nuclear bomb attack.

Here is a clip I love of Suzuki in 1972.  Long before he became a leading environmentalist, he had some pretty astute observations on what it means to be human.

Sad

I find myself in a deep funk that I can't shake off.  And instead of feeling like I'm at the bottom of it about to make a turn-around... there still seems to be plenty of shifting ground under my feet.  Today is one of the darkest days I have experienced in quite some time.  It's like a cloud of oppression is sitting on top of me and every time I try to move or do something it bears down a little stronger.  Suffocating.

All I know for sure is that there is a lesson for me here.  For some reason this is what I need to experience, witness.  So instead of ignoring it or begging it to leave me alone, I'm inviting it in.  Asking it to sit with me.  Feel it in every aching part of my body.  So far it seems intent of communing in the middle of the night.  And well, if that's what it wants, then that is what I am going to give to it.

Although this little episode may appear to be masking as depression, I really don't think that is who or what this is.  It's just a part of me that needs some attention.  That can learn to let the dishes fill the sink and the bed go unmade.  And listen with a bit more sensitivity for this part of the journey.

And again.

Some days I am a domestic goddess.
Other days I fail miserably.
But none-the-less, I keep trying.

Opening the Heart Chakra

For the yogi, everything is yoga.  Yoga is life.  I think this becomes the normal way of thinking for the person who sees themselves as a yogi.  Yoga is no longer a series of poses or asanas but rather a way of living your life.  The ideals of enlightenment become your approach to the circumstances you encounter.

Tonight, in my first class as an instructor, our lesson will focus on opening up the Heart chakra.  The Heart represents the fourth of the seven body chakras.  It is the balancing point, a fulcrum of sorts, between the the material world and our inner/spiritual world.  It is a bridge that connects our survival instincts to our ideals of knowing who we truly are and finding our purpose for living.  It is in this chakra that we begin to connect to peace and seek harmony in our lives.

The Sanskrit word for the Heart is Anahata.  In its literal translation it means unstruck or unhurt.  So, despite the fact that we all suffer and endure personal pain, the heart still has this immeasurable capacity for love.  Sometimes out of unconscious self-preservation we try to shut this chakra down, which only serves to create more suffering because the true nature of the heart is to love.

The element associated with the Heart chakra is Air.  I find this so sublime because love like air wants to fill up all of the spaces inside of us.  It will take on the shape of its vessel and at the same time cannot be contained.  Through breathing (pranayama) the Heart is strengthened and toned.  But one must bring a deliberateness to the act of breathing.  It must be deep and you should mediate from time to time on the beauty and significance of this chakra.

In yogic practice, the Heart is considered to be feminine.  The feminine in all of us yearns to release and let go of the temporal aches and pains and disappointments in this life.  The very act of breathing can enable this release to take place, to massage our hearts and enlarge our ability to love not only others but also ourselves.

Set aside a few moments to shut out the world.  Bring your hands together in prayer position.  You will find that your thumbs fit nicely against your sternum. Bow your head to your heart and begin to breathe steadily and easy.  Deepen as you go.  Feel the inhalation and exhalation in your belly.  Pay attention to the beating rhythm, you will soon begin to feel it throughout your entire body.  Give thanks to your Heart for its continued work, you really do owe it your life.

Namaste.

Quantum Leaps

Okay, maybe not quantum but I have taken a leap.  Leaps are good.  In some form or another a leap propels you forward, albeit at times down (occasionally gaining speed as you splat against the concrete).  Leaps are wearing your heart on your sleeve.  Leaps mean you are willing to risk public embarrassment. Leaps also mean you are open to the possibility of soaring as you spread your wings and take a chance.  Leaps do your heart good, regardless of the outcome.

And what you ask am I leaping around about?  Yoga.  I've decided to instruct my first yoga class!

Oh don't you worry, I've already mentally gone through all of the reasons that I shouldn't do this, reminded myself of all the ways that I am not qualified.  But, in the end, I've decided to risk it and do it anyway.  Failure to launch fears be damned.  And to be completely honest, those voices of opposition have been pretty small in proportion to the expanding part of me that WANTS to be a yoga teacher.

Practicing yoga has been and continues to be a force in my life that has opened me up.  Gotten me in touch with something deeper.  Something connected to everything else.  I suppose in a way it is for me the theory of everything.  The place where it all comes together and yet infinitely expands at the same time.  Amazing how so much can happened on one small 2 x 6 foot plot of real estate that can appears to the onlooker as slow and static.  Yet there I stand in Warrior, slaying my demons one conscious breath at a time.

With my whole heart, I believe that life rewards action.  The parable of reaping what we sow is as relevant as it has ever been.  I once read about a Zen master who looked on the mind as a garden.  The soil already contains the seeds of all that life can possibly offer ~ the good, the bad and the neutral.  It is up to each person to cultivate and care for their garden ~ this is in essence the responsibility of your life.  Your emotions are the catalyst to growth and development.  How you respond to your world is how your garden grows.

Don't spend your time worrying about the weeds.  Tend them daily.  Don't spend too much time gazing at someone else's garden and wishing it were your own.

Nurture the qualities you desire to bloom within yourself.  Do it by design.  Lead with your heart.  And take a leap with your soul every now and again.

It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.  Thoreau

Go Boldly

The benefit of time is that it allows us to experience and experiment with the facets life has in its learning library.  If you pay attention you can draw conclusions for yourself that at first might not seem obvious.  But the key is that you must stay mindful.  You must bring body-mind-spirit attention to the nuances that are playing out in, through and around you.

Try thinking of your lifetime as an opportunity to interact and be the instigator of an array of ideas and ventures.  When you take on this paradigm the world opens up wide to the desires of your heart.  In essence you cannot fail.  You'll become a data interpreter for your own unique existence!  There are things that will work and things that won't work out so well.  This is not to say that you throw common sense to the wind, you will still want to pursue life with your intelligence acting as a compass, but you will tune out more of the herd noise and seek life on your own terms.

For me, detachment has probably been the most important skill that I have been learning in this lifetime.  I can see how moving into mastery of this is helping me to pursue new directions.  Detachment doesn't mean you don't care but instead that you are not married to the outcome of any particular event.  You can just let life move and happen without having to have it a certain way, remembering that every decision you make moves the compass hand of experience.

Your beliefs about yourself are also powerfully important.  Allow your beliefs to change.  See yourself as a positive force in the world.  Seek to better everything you touch.  Think outside the box.  Although everything that is within your possession is in some way a manifestation and reflection of you, dare to change the rules!  Refuse to let the things that support your comfort dictate the principles by which you live.  Life is a dynamic process, your thoughts from 20 years ago shouldn't necessarily be what you are building your life around today.  Growth means change, which means allowing what you've learned to become a part of the unfolding.

Namaste.  

Thought to Action

It is not enough to just think that you want something.  You must want it enough that it moves you to action toward its attainment.  If you cannot bring yourself to physically move in the direction of what it is you think you want, you really need to re-evaluate how you see that particular circumstance manifesting in your life.

We can see another's lack of discipline so easily.  We roll our eyes when they say that are going to do a particular thing.  We don't believe that they will be able to carry through to the place where commitment finally leads to success.  Why?  Because they have not outwardly flexed their muscle of perseverance.  When the chips are down, so are they.  Is this where you see yourself?

Everything you take on and have goals around succeeding at is going to require work.  It is true that all tangible things are birthed in thought but until those seeds meet the refining fire of discipline and determination there can be no expectation of change.  Natural talent has its reward but in some cases serves only to make the talented lazy ~ not willing to move beyond what has always come easy.

Beyond anything else, discipline can change your life.  We all dream.  We can all imagine utopia.  We all have passion.  If you want people to take you seriously ... stop taking about it and start doing it.

In Memory 1997 - 2011

This is the me and the Princess Ryber Sophie.  She was a good dog and we got to love her for more than 13 years.   Yesterday we laid her to rest deep in the forest, in a special box we made just for her.  The house is quieter than it should be.  And my heart is broken.

Teaching

In my whole life I have never done anything as special as being a teacher.  It is hard work, often messy and always never ending.  But there is just something so heart-rendering about these connections I get to forge with kids.  They make me laugh joyously and at times, cry without restraint.

Today I had to send a bunch of students to the inside room for not completing their homework.  Two of them came back afterwards and gave me very sincere apologies for not doing what they should have done.  And I realized that those words came out of a combination of relationship and respect.  When school works, its foundation is relationship and respect.  It works because these two things do not flow out of a system dictated from the top down but rather something very special that grows from the bottom up.  We teachers live for moments such as these as they validate all the other moments of the hard, the messy and the never ending.

Sometimes you figure out before it is too late that the someone you thought you wanted, you don't.  And after that you must go on rejoicing!  Because the universe has given you new eyes through which to see the world.

Think

"It's what you attach yourself to that pulls your cart." George Breed

Equal and Opposite Force

Today I had a small epiphany while teaching science (bridge structure).

Life can basically be summed up as the balancing of opposing forces such as tension and compression.  Each is the corrolary to the other.  It is a very dynamic aspect of life that holds everything in its perfect place.  And keeps us from becoming complacent.

The World Through New Eyes

Can you love without possession?

Over coffee this morning I was recapping to Jeremy on the book "The Alchemist".  I've read this book many times. On the surface it is about a boy on a journey to find his destiny (a treasure at the base of the pyramids in Egypt).  During his travels across the desert the caravan he is with stops at an oasis.  Here he meets a girl and falls in love with her and considers giving up his pursuit of destiny to be with her.

"I came to tell you just one thing" the boy said.  "I want you to be my wife.  I love you." .... "I'm a desert woman and I'm proud of that.  I want my husband to wander as free as the wind that shapes the dunes.  And, if I have to I will accept the fact that he has become a part of the clouds, and the animals and the water of the desert."

As much as their love was mutual, she did not wish for him to give up on the pursuit of his destiny.  In fact, it was the ardent pursuit of his dreams that had drawn her to him.  Soon after this he leaves the oasis and continues to travel to the pyramids, the Alchemist accompanying him as a teacher and guide.  They encounter many dangers along the way, to which the boy comments on how his beginner's luck seems to have run out.  To which the Alchemist says:

"What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way.  It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we move toward that dream.  That's the point at which most people give up."

This book has many lessons, most metaphorical, that can be applied to every readers life, regardless of where you see yourself along the journey.  What has resonated with me this time through is the idea of love without boundaries.  Can I love and be loved so unselfishly as to not hinder you from the pursuit of your journey?  Can I love and be loved so fearlessly, that no matter how dangerous or far reaching our journeys are calling, I can go and let you go, for both of our great good?  Can I love you just because I love you?  And know that our bond is not a boundary but rather the very thing that makes us a part of the others dream, our connection to the very Soul of the World, where everything is written by the same hand.

Freelancing

There are lots of people out there doing great things.  Things that can make the rest of us a little jealous  ~ either at their creativity of ideas or their ballsyness to actually pursue their ideas and aspirations.  And certainly at the success and smile they can't keep off their face.

Look to them for inspiration.  But write your own story.

Innate Knowledge

"Your inner guidance knows exactly what your heart’s desire is. When you open your mouth and remove the brakes—and get the judge out of your head for a minute—your inner guidance will come up with the right answers."   Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Conjunctions

Everywhere I turn, people are setting goals and extolling their resolutions.  Astrologically, today (Jan 3) due to Jupiter and Uranus being in a triple conjunction (true I don't really know what any of that means), it is apparently the best day of the year to set out the goals you desire to accomplish in 2011.

I don't really have goals for this year yet.  Ideas, yes.  Goals in and of themselves, No.

This past week I've had several premonitions and just before drifting off to sleep Thursday past, I was given some words that came to me so strongly I had to get out of bed and write them down.  Maybe these are just fanciful things, my active imagination ~ oh I do hope so!  As one of many things I wish to cultivate is my fanciful imagination.  And I suppose when it gets down to brass tacks, I want to explore this through writing and creativity of some sort or another.

As I move into this year, my eyes and my heart are open.   I'm determined to not be afraid but to pursue the very things that make me question whether or not I can!  Because I know I can, even if it feels uncomfortable for the first bit.  Last August when I went to see an Intuitive, she told me a part of me was hiding in the shadows and that it is time to free her.  I've been thinking about this blonde haired, blue eyed girl that stares at the floor, her hands tangled in a shimmery satin ivory dress.  One of my quests is to help her come join the party that's happening just around the corner.  It constricts my chest a little bit, makes me feel like I'm talking myself down off a ledge where she is concerned. Perhaps what we all fear most is the challenge to make the most of ourselves.  What else is there in this life?

I am confident that my life's experience is unfolding as it is intended for me.  I was born under a special cosmic sky and there are bridges to be crossed and crosses to bear.  There is also beauty and joy to enter into, to be soaked up like sun and rain in equal measures.  I want to receive all it has to offer with graciousness and gratitude.

Twenty-Eleven

My Life Path number in Numerology is 11.  So given that today is 1/1/11, I'm already feeling like I'm ahead of the game.  :D  My expectations are high and I'm not going to waiver from these convictions!

I have no resolutions to offer you today.  The only thing you will find here is my joy, optimism and determination to love my life through its myriad of peaks and valleys.

Happy New Year my friends.  Thank you for the many times you have stopped this way along your travels.  Continued blessings on your journey through 2011.