Sad

I find myself in a deep funk that I can't shake off.  And instead of feeling like I'm at the bottom of it about to make a turn-around... there still seems to be plenty of shifting ground under my feet.  Today is one of the darkest days I have experienced in quite some time.  It's like a cloud of oppression is sitting on top of me and every time I try to move or do something it bears down a little stronger.  Suffocating.

All I know for sure is that there is a lesson for me here.  For some reason this is what I need to experience, witness.  So instead of ignoring it or begging it to leave me alone, I'm inviting it in.  Asking it to sit with me.  Feel it in every aching part of my body.  So far it seems intent of communing in the middle of the night.  And well, if that's what it wants, then that is what I am going to give to it.

Although this little episode may appear to be masking as depression, I really don't think that is who or what this is.  It's just a part of me that needs some attention.  That can learn to let the dishes fill the sink and the bed go unmade.  And listen with a bit more sensitivity for this part of the journey.

Soul of the World

For a bit now, I have been slow-reading a book called Soul of the World: Unlocking Secrets of Time by Christopher Dewdney. It is both a philosophical and practical look at the many ways we think about, interact with and function within the boundaries of time. Dewdney is a highly acclaimed Canadian poet, and his work is infused with the kind of mesmerizing language you would expect from just such a writer.

Initially I was drawn to this book (while roaming around Chapters in an altered state of bliss) by the title. Just prior I had finished reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (for the second time cause it's that good) in which the main character, Santiago, a young Spanish shepherd pursues his deepest imaginings. While doing so, he comes to understand the soul of the world and is guided somewhat supernaturally through his journey by reading the omens that he encounters and opening to the possibilities in life. To stumble upon a book titled Soul of the World on the heels of The Alchemist seemed itself permeated by fate.

Here is an excerpt...

Later, when darkness was firmly established, I went out into the yard again to take a look at the night sky. I was shocked. The night was stuffed with stars. I felt like the only person in an enchanted planetarium, bewitched by the demiurge of night. It was as if another order of darkness had been revealed, as if a layer had been peeled away to reveal a truer darkness, a deeper night, that fill me with dizzy awe. I wondered if the owl I'd seen in March was nearby, sitting on a branch in the secret reaches of night, its eyes sparkling with mystery. The sky was so clear and transparent it seemed that space was somehow closer to the surface of the earth. And everywhere stars. Clusters of stars, necklaces of stars. They sang like destiny in silver notes, and I could see them for what they were - distant, atomic fires of unthinkable immensity, inconceivably remote in time.

Starlight is pure history. Perhaps all time - past, present and future - exist at once, everywhere. But the stars take the prize. The night sky contains starlight that started its journey to earth during the Roman era, during the age of dinosaurs, and even from before the earth existed. In the vastness of space, light seems to slow to a crawl, and the vacuum becomes a crystal jelly.

Above all else, words have always been my heart's seducer. This one is a keeper.

Namaste.