Thursday, July 24, 2008

For a long time, all my writing seemed to hone in on the idea of letting go. Adding nothing back in. Emptying my being and lifestyle not only of extras and add-ons but past accumulations that resided in my mind like heavy metals. During this time, both yoga and blogging served as a carrier to where I needed to be transported.

In the last year, I have found a lovely place to dwell. I have given up the struggle and replaced it with acceptance. There is much peace and beauty here and I am amazed at just how far from perfection it is. In fact, I believe perfection just might be the most unhappy of places to reside.

It is so easy to get caught up in competition. Bigger house, nicer car, smaller ass, better toys. This mindset keeps us living in a world that is predominately material. We lose sight of why we live and we become enslaved by what we own. Oddly enough, we come into this world naked and we exit in the same manner. We bring nothing with us and we leave it as we come in. This game of bigger, better, faster makes no sense what-so-ever.

I do not want to leave you with the impression that I am a stripped down, back to basics, non-materialistic person. This would not be true. I love things. Beautiful things. I like to travel and stay in upscale hotels. I appreciate quality and workmanship and the aesthetic quality that exists in the marketplace.

However, I do find that my motivations have changed. More is not better. Rather, it is how we get there that makes the difference. That we can feel the joy of giving and receiving, the flow and the compromise of getting out of life the truest desires of our heart. That in this short time we have, we learn to play the game so that our insides and our outsides become compatible with our philosophical ideals. In a nutshell, what I am trying to say is that I am coming into this place.

Here, things (whatever you consider a noun - people, places, things and ideas) don't need to be held on to too tightly. They exist for pleasure, pain and our individual personal growth. Everything you are in need of is at your fingertips and already exists. Like a tree heavy with fruit that can be plucked to satiate your hunger. There is no need to hoard or glutton and one soon finds out that in different seasons, different fruits. Here, the creative mind can expand and transform the challenges of life into opportunities.


Tuesday, July 08, 2008

It feels good to be home. Although, with all the busy preparations for my sister's wedding happening, relaxing has not been on the to do list.
The temperature rose to a toasty 34C today and the outlook for tomorrow is about the same. So, our plan for the upcoming day is to float down the river and do little of anything else!
I've been enjoying my long walks to the end of the bridge and back in the evenings, once the sun has gone down - accompanying me, the many thoughts and imaginings that run through my brain. Despite the heat, I still find this an inspiring place to be. This year I feel more at home in my own skin than ever before, so there is an easiness to me which marks my biggest change.
It is nice to be here with Jeremy. My parents own these old camps that they used to rent out as a business, so before he arrived I spent a couple of days decobwebbing and refreshing the paint. It was a pleasant surprise for him, as it means we have our own space and we don't have to be under my parents' roof. They are almost generous to a fault, so it is as much for them that I did it as for us.
For now, I'm heading off to watch some tv and unwind in an a/c room. Happy summering.

Monday, July 07, 2008


Pictures taken at your sisters stagette party is an excellent reason NOT to be on facebook!

Saturday, July 05, 2008

The Man Watching

The Man Watching
by Rainer Maria Rilke

I can tell by the way the trees beat,
afterso many dull days,
on my worried windowpanes
that a storm is coming,
and I hear the far-off fields say things
I can't bear without a friend,
I can't love without a sister

The storm, the shifter of shapes, drives on
across the woods and across time,
and the world looks as if it had no age:
the landscape like a line in the psalm book,
is seriousness and weight and eternity.
What we choose to fight is so tiny!
What fights us is so great!
If only we would let ourselves be dominated
as things do by some immense storm,
we would become strong too, and not need names.

When we win it's with small things,
and the triumph itself makes us small.
What is extraordinary and eternal
does not want to be bent by us.
I mean the Angel who appeared
to the wrestlers of the Old Testament:
when the wrestler's sinews
grew long like metal strings,
he felt them under his fingers
like chords of deep music.

Whoever was beaten by this Angel
(who often simply declined the fight)
went away proud and strengthened
and great from that harsh hand,
that kneaded him as if to change his shape.
Winning does not tempt that man.
This is how he grows: by being defeated, decisively,
by constantly greater beings.