Thursday, October 09, 2014

pen to paper

I always loved this blog even though I haven't written here in years.   It is an old friend that let's me hang my hat for as long as I would like to stay.  For so long, it provided this quiet, secretive corner where I could let my hopes and fears hang out along side each other.  An alcove along the corridor of life that few cared to steal a glance at.

For some reason the world doesn't seem so safe to me these days.  All of my words feel like they have been unleashed in public places (even though this is not true) and the only remaining solace of secrecy is in my head.  The truth is messy and uncomfortable, so I keep it to myself.  And family and strangers alike are too interested in the next move on the chess board.

My Human does some ridiculous things and is acting quite out of character from what those around her expect or like.  If they only truly knew the behaviours that are being left unacknowledged!  Today, my Human had a cry.  An ugly cry.  The 'I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and I don't know how to change it' kind of cry.  It caught me unaware.  My Human was completely surprised by the breakdown.

But seven times down, eight times up.  The best part about crying is the release afterwards.  That Ahhh feeling, like the gate opened and the backed up waters have once again found their level.  

I beg the Universe to show me her hand.  To give a nod or a nudge.  A billboard is probably what is needed.