Saturday, June 26, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Feeling connected to other people has to be one of the most powerful emotions we can experience. It is not limited to how well we necessarily know another but has more to do with harnessing a moment in time in which two are intuitively attached. So much so that it creates a deep guttural gurgling and a fluttering of the heart. These moments cannot be bought. They are born out of love. And they flood both the giver and receiver with joy unspeakable.
Posted by Angela at 9:55 PM
Saturday, June 19, 2010
"I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith." 2 Tim. 4:7
So, it appears that I have embraced a new kind of running. Who would have imagined that running in circles around town could make me feel so accomplished! But that is exactly how I feel. Earlier today, in the span of 1 hour and 15 minutes (including a pee break) I completed my first 10 k run. And with it, I passed over a metaphorical line in the sand that is charged with the beliefs I have about myself ~ what I think is or isn't possible. Today is a day of expanding possibilities!
In life, I think we tend to see ourselves as either running after or away from things. Let's face it, running away indicates a desire for change and freedom from perceived mistakes; a chance to start again. Running after smells of desperation. Like we can't quite get what it is we want, we just know that what we want lies beyond our reach.
When I began to entertain the idea of running just for the sake of running... I could almost not believe that such ideas were my own. In my heart I already knew that running away and after other things would serve only as a temporary distraction. But I did not yet believe in the power that running circles would have or the joy it would bring. Here are a few things I've learned from running in circles.
1. Running is hard. And to become a distance runner you must commit to practicing even when it is the last thing you want to do. So the most important thing I've rediscovered has been self-discipline. To do what I said I was going to do and not allow myself to quit. It is easy to quit. And running, in the scheme of things is a simple practice that can be done anywhere at anytime. So if I couldn't do this one thing and stick with it, what would that say about me? You know that proverb about being faithful in small things before you can be faithful in big things... this was my small thing.
2. Bodies need to move. Running is a wonderfully meditative practice. A mini personal coaching session I have with myself, a lot of "you can do this", "breathe, be in this moment, feel this pain, this breeze on your face, appreciate the blue sky above you" and most importantly giving thanks that this body works so well. I have two friends with MS and when I run I think of them often because it makes running feel like a gift and any pain a reminder of my good health fortune.
3. It is okay to just be. I have a lot of energy and sometimes I think that it serves only to confuse me about what I want out of life. Running has defused much of that energy, mellowed me out, smoothed me around the edges. I'm happier than I was a few months ago, content even.
For the time being, I'm going to keep circling. Moving with ever increasing centripetal force.
Posted by Angela at 10:32 PM
Friday, June 18, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
It is way past my bedtime. The sun has just set and darkness is yet to descend upon me even though it is 11:30 pm! I guess I'm not yet ready for the day to end, so beautiful and summery.
Tonight on the way to the grocery store to pick up some ice cream (to top off a friend's birthday cake) I had a few moments of overwhelming euphoria. And I couldn't keep the smile to myself. And wondered why every moment can't have that same joyful bubbles in the air at a wedding quality. But quickly decided that not every moment is intended to. If they did, we'd really lose sight of their sweetness.
I haven't been blogging... well, mostly because it is June. And everything else seems to take precedence, even though I'm constantly composing in my head. And life has a weird juxtaposition, like how I'm content again and yet I know of much sadness within a single degree of separation. A girl named Jennifer (who at 36 and 4 children later is no longer a girl at all) and grew up only 5 doors away on the up river side of my house, died last week of a heart attack. Or how the boy I was completing in love with at 15 lost his mother to cancer earlier this week. And how my loyal dog/ companion friend was biopsied for cancer yesterday.
But ALL is temporary. And it is okay to be happy and sad in the same moment. Sometimes the sadness brings a clarity that helps me appreciate what it is to BE, to express, to reach, to cry, to love and abandon myself to the conflicting parts that make me me. A work in continual progress.
I'm looking forward to blog writing freedom. Time is currently on speed-dial with days of obligation winding quickly down (and they have their own joy and reward). For now I will leave you with this quote from the book The Art of Power by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist Zen master, poet, scholar and peace activist...
Only by coming back to ourselves and purifying our minds can we experience true, lasting happiness and the kind of power that can't be corrupted. Everything is related to everything else.
Posted by Angela at 11:29 PM
Saturday, June 05, 2010
t is raining today. As a general rule we don't get a lot of rain in Alberta and I'm sure there are many farmers grateful for this. However, I personally can't wait for the sun to return. We've enjoyed some lovely days in the high 20's but have yet to hit that +30 mark. Bring it on! Just not today, I guess.
Last year Jeremy spent some time tearing apart and rebuilding the hideous deck a couple of drunk guys put together over beer breaks (not joking here) hired by our house contractor. This year I went to our local greenhouse early and am thrilled with the hanging baskets I was able to get.
Posted by Angela at 10:28 AM
Thursday, June 03, 2010
I'm feeling a little low and lost tonight and not sure why. Do you ever get that way? How it just seems to permeate through your bones, a bit of melancholy that whispers to you and makes you doubt all kinds of things? It is nothing that I can quite put into words, just an uncertain feeling that won't go away but suggests that things aren't quite right in the world. My eyes have that puffy tired feel, as though I just had a good cry but without the cry.
Laura asked me tonight after school if everything was okay. "I think so" I said. "You know when you can't quite decide if what you're going through is real or imagined, that's kinda me right now." And Laura in her candid style says back to me... "You just gotta be that person who doesn't give a shit! Too bad it takes so long to get to that point. But when you do, away goes the stress!"
Life is better with a friend like that. :)
Posted by Angela at 9:32 PM