Saturday, January 17, 2009

In the Meantime...

January is a month filled with new beginning exultation! Quite fabulous really. A collective pause in our shared psyche as we consider the why, the how and the when of life improvement! One only has to turn on the tv for 5 minutes to see countless commercials all geared toward making our latest dreams come true! Gym memberships, Jenny Craig and innumerable infomercials that wrap up the will power required with a beautiful bow.

So what about you? Do you resolve?

I resolve a little. Nothing too big or too extravagant. Nothing with solid dates attached that would cinch my immenent failure!

Life is more or less a monotonous journey. Oh come on - admit it!!! You are as boring as I am! You go to work and you come home. In all of that, lies your life. On occassion you bookend it with a trip that renews your faith in why it is that you journey back and forth from home to work!

Honestly, that's okay with me. Sure, I'm not living up to my full potential 100% of the time - but if you've ever tried doing that... it gets exhausting fast. And guess what I have found... I can fullfill a good chunk of that potential in my boring daily life. I can love the simple and mundane with a few needed adventures thrown in here and there.

Too many people jack January up like it is a Red Bull highball. They blowout December just so they can new and improve it the following month with extra! extra! results.

Not me. This year I will try and...

exercise more. I absolutely don't care if I lose a pound. I enjoy food and I especially like the 14% sour cream. So don't even think that I'm going to trade it in for that runny 5% crap! Cause I'M NOT. And I'm going to continue to use real butter on my vegetables. Let's face it, they taste much better with it and salt!

I am going to slow down on the coffee. I LOVE coffee. Really good coffee. I own a $150 machine and grind my own beans. It is one area of life that I am a self proclaimed snob. And yet, I drink the swill brown liquid (no way am I going to actually call this stuff the c word) we have in our staff room. In fact I drink several cups of it a day. Go figure! So I'm still not going to give it up completely. But perhaps I will cut the consumption of aforementioned swill by half. In exchange I'll try and drink an extra cup of water.

I'm not a big spender. My idea of a shopping spree is when I go to the grocery store and get into the dried goods and get carried away. Like buying $30 tubes of face cleaner. I regret that one but no biggie really. I'm very close to being consumer debt free - yeah, I'll still have a mortgage and a car payment. But in two months I'll be credit card and personal loan FREE. So I'm going to commit to taking advantage of the new $5000 income tax free savings plan offered by our Federal goverment.

We've now been into our new house for just over 2 years. Together, Jeremy and I have decided that we will spend 60 minutes (timed on the stove) each week tackling those icky jobs that make you feel a bit squeemish and down-hearted just thinking about them. Last weekend we went through several boxes that hadn't been opened since the move and this weekend we went to town on the office. It is a good way to get things done - especially the jobs you don't really want to do! So more or less we have committed to detoxifying our house for as many weekends as it takes. It is quite surprising just how much you can accomplish in one hour when you work together and don't allow other things to take priority.

Lastly, I want to have more orgasms this year than last year! I'm 36. In my sexual prime. hehe. I don't want to be regretting when I am 70 that I didn't take advantage of opportunities afforded me. ;-) Afterall, its free entertainment.

I hope all of your dreams are in progress in 2009. xo Angela

Friday, January 02, 2009

For my best friend

just a couple of more days off. then back to work and routine. i don't really like routines, although i seem to need them. otherwise i don't get a whole lot accomplished besides rambling around inside my own head thinking.

the last few days i have been thinking on personal qualities. i am quite conscious when it comes to understanding my own temperament. well aware of both my deficits and sufficiencies. more or less i really like who i am. which in and of itself can be an insufferable quality for others to endure. i also have tendency to say what is on my mind, or express my own version of the truth. unfortunately that truth is often the 'of the moment' kind. depending on the reaction it is generally followed by more focused thought processes - after which i have been known to revise my original thesis (that I ardently declared). long story short - sometimes i am an ass. and i suffer inside of myself because of it. and sometimes those i love dearly also suffer.

my own heart is broken today. deeply wounded actually. and so is an other's. and although the hurt did not come directly from me, i'm certain my words were all wrong. sometimes i'm just too emphatic, too black and white when I speak (which is odd given that life is always a shade of grey around me), too much that is not easily taken back once spoken.

i believe it is a true measure of love when one feels this battered and bruised for another. so if you are reading know that i pain in the pit of my tummy - not out of pity but from the very emotion that springs forth from the human condition. that sometimes we all feel uncertain and we don't know how to find our feet and we don't know how to make another love us the way we most need to be loved at the moment we need it. i wish to bundle you up and shield you from all the prickles of life. i hate it when i inadvertently prickle.

i wish you to know all my deep desires for you. to know the truest of love expressed without any selfish gain. to have another lay bare before you with nakedness that renders both the giver and receiver without armour. to have the hope and security of a future enabling all of your gifts and strengths, which are boundless. of which you are fully deserving, of which you deserve no less.

this is what you are to me. smart, funny, beautiful, sensible, unique, expressive, thoughtful, intelligent, wise, refreshing, capable, enduring, endearing, compassionate, giving, larger than life, soulful, passionate, remarkable, amazing mother, patient, articulate, kind, purposeful, extraordinary, fascinating, interesting, enchanting, magnetic, mystical, feeling, entangled ...

you are all of these and more. Cherish who you are and what you are deserving of in life, you are like no other, handle this with fragility because where most are cut from the same cotton you my dear are the silk of royalty - one must guard carefully such a thing. Guard your heart yet be generous. I love you beyond...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11