Sunday, March 13, 2011


I find myself in a deep funk that I can't shake off.  And instead of feeling like I'm at the bottom of it about to make a turn-around... there still seems to be plenty of shifting ground under my feet.  Today is one of the darkest days I have experienced in quite some time.  It's like a cloud of oppression is sitting on top of me and every time I try to move or do something it bears down a little stronger.  Suffocating.

All I know for sure is that there is a lesson for me here.  For some reason this is what I need to experience, witness.  So instead of ignoring it or begging it to leave me alone, I'm inviting it in.  Asking it to sit with me.  Feel it in every aching part of my body.  So far it seems intent of communing in the middle of the night.  And well, if that's what it wants, then that is what I am going to give to it.

Although this little episode may appear to be masking as depression, I really don't think that is who or what this is.  It's just a part of me that needs some attention.  That can learn to let the dishes fill the sink and the bed go unmade.  And listen with a bit more sensitivity for this part of the journey.


Lyn said...

I am sorry that you are sad Angela but like you said, you seem to need this part of the journey too. Hugs my friend.

Smarts said...

Thanks, Lyn. I gratefully accept! Had a nap and went to yoga tonight, both seemed to help. Onward.

Anonymous said...

I definitely feel for you right now and I'm sorry you're in such a sad space. But like you said, I do think that there are reasons for these intense feelings and low points in our life. A quote that helps me to sit with my feelings, no matter how dark and sad, is: "Suffer what there is to suffer. Enjoy what there is to enjoy." -Nichiren Daishonin (1276)
Sending good thoughts your way.

Smarts said...

Lisa, that is a great quote! Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

This vapid little existential angst means you are not of the world - reach out and seize the possibilities, people and the world like throwing yourself into the hurricane.
When your major considerations of the day of sadness, yoga, sugar or vegetarianism (all of which can be good) your are ruled by minor passions at best.
Good luck.