Seasons & Time

For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful in its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. So I concluded that there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can.

~ Ecclesiastics 3 ~

For a bit now, I've been considering taking a year off from work. Thinking about it to the point that it is making me a little mental. One hour I'm "yes, yes, yes, do it" and the next I'm making a list of all the reasons that I can't or should at the very least put it off for one more year.

On the way home today with spring so clearly in the air I couldn't help but consider the seasons. Before all of the modern niceties that we enjoy (you know ~ central heating, indoor plumbing, electricity) peoples lives were cyclical. They were in cadence with the seasons and moon cycles. Man's work fluctuated with the calendar and priority was always on survival.

I'm happy that my life does not revolve around having to meet the bare necessities. However, I do think that we've lost a certain circadian heartbeat with nature. Our bodies still hold the DNA of our forefathers, who would never have been able to accept the lifestyle we now lead. Locking ourselves indoors, in small rooms with self-imposing deadlines for work that is more or less meaningless. How is it that we have collectively agreed to this as our way of life? Even more, how is that we've agreed we should do it 50 weeks out of every year?

Honestly, I've never been that good at holding down a job. I'm restless and have commitment issues.

Teaching is the best job I've ever been privileged to do. And it is important work. For some kids all of their stability is found at school. And the world is in need of teachers that can both clearly teach them the academic things they need AND be a person of great character and compassion. Making them feel loved and appreciated for what they can give back as citizens, regardless of their life circumstances. In my mind, most of the important stuff that happens in our schools have nothing to do with academics. But academics seem to be the glue ~ or maybe it is the other way around. Sometimes I lose myself in the loop.

There are days when I feel like in the cosmic scheme of things, teaching chose me and not the other way around. And, for as much joy as it can bring, it equally tears at your heart and sanity. Most would be surprised at the level of energy required to make a day happen and make it look easy. Sometimes I am so busy giving to my work life that having any other kind of life exhausts me just from thinking about it. Most days it is out of balance ~ as much as I love it and feel made for it, often it is just too much. Causing all the other parts to suffer. Which saddens me.

I still don't know what my final decision will be. The deadline is looming for March 31st. When I came home with Ecclesiastics 3 on my mind, I was comforted by its meditation on time. We need different things from life at different times, and we always have.

~ I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful in its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. ~

Welcome to the Isle of Sark

The way I stumbled onto the whole idea of visiting the Channel Islands was from the book The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. I briefly wrote about it here. Before I even finished reading the book I had already lined up several of my friends telling them they had to read it! Seriously, I shoved it down their throats and said "If you don't read it we will can no longer be friends". It was from the love of this book (and the subject matter of course) that I decided wanting to belong to a book club wasn't good enough any more ~ so I social media'd us up a book club ~ there are things for which facebook is absolutely priceless. :) PS ~ I've yet to hear a bad review on this book, but it is possible these lovely people are a tad bit afraid of me and my evangelical like enthusiasm.

So the whole time I was reading (and falling nostalgically in love with the heroine and countryside) I kept thinking how amazing it would be to visit Guernsey. In fact, I was considering how absolutely fabulous it would be to visit all the places that I fall in love with through a book. What a way to travel the world with no possible chance of losing inspiration (not that I ever would).

Admittedly, when I started thinking in this way I only knew the name of one of the islands. Guernsey. Obviously. There are in fact 4 main islands and few uninhabited ones.

Sark is the smallest. About 3 miles long and half that wide ~ boasting 40km of coastline. Cars are not permitted on the island so people get around by carriage, bicycle or foot. There are about 600 permanent residents. Sark is a self-governing Crown Dependency which interestingly enough means it is not part of the European Union or the United Kingdom.

In the meantime go here: www.sark.info Along the menu bar it says Guide 2010. Check it out! I'm in love. I'm already wondering how I'm going to tear myself away when it is time to leave.

PS ~ I stole this picture off the same website. The quality is terrible but I think you get the idea.

Summer

Well there is still a mountain of planning on the near horizon BUT... my friend and I have decided on a tour of France and the Channel Islands ~ Guernsey and Jersey ~ for this summer's adventure. And now I can't stop smiling.

Life is good. Now to brush up on conjugating those verbs. Oh my! And, um, you know... lose 10 lbs and get super fit.

No pressure.

Let Go

10th Verse

Carrying body and soul,

and embracing the one

can you avoid separation?

Can you let your body become

as supple as a newborn child's?

In the opening and shutting of heaven's gate,

can you play the feminine part?

Can you love your people

and govern your domain

without self-importance?

Giving birth and nourishing;

having, yet not possessing;

working, yet not taking credit;

leading without controlling or dominating.

One who heeds this power

brings the Tao to the very earth.

This is the primal virtue.

~~~~~~~~

"Let go of your identification with your stuff and with your accomplishments. Try instead to enjoy what you do and all that flows into your life simply for the pleasure of doing and observing the flow itself. You literally own nothing and no one: All that is composed will decompose; All that is yours will leave and become someone else's. So step back a bit and allow yourself to be an observer of this world of form. Becoming a detached witness will put you into a state of bliss, while loosening your tight grip on all off your possessions. It is in this releasing process that you'll gain the freedom to live out what the Tao is always teaching by example."

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Commentary on the 10th Verse of the Tao

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life

Update

I'm done. The week has ended. A good week, but I must confess that I stretched it out every where I could. What I'm saying is that during the afternoons we did a lot of art (art is good ~ don't get me wrong here) ... interrupted only by impromptu "Gee kiddies, now seems like a great time to go outside!!!" I needed fun to counter all of this body drama I've been experiencing.

The sugar withdrawal is over. Headache has receded. My body is pretty appreciative of the reduced calorie loading. It has felt good to be in this kind of denial. To get that deep in your belly gnawing, like you haven't fed the beast in hours, has soul strengthening effects. Just for the hell of it I've decided to continue on for next week.

Tonight I'm going to fill the tub and languor there until the hot water tank goes cold. Oh to have such decadence at my fingertips!

Work and Play

It is a perfect weather day! So in honor of it, I took my kids (students) sledding. We had such a time! All that could be heard was laughter and the odd shriek ~ big smiles all around. I have to admit, I'm pretty in love with my little class. They're characters and they just plain and simply make me happy!

sweet release

sometimes I just want to curl up inside my blog. lay in the grass beneath that tree on a dark night and watch the stars, finding myself in some far off astral plane. forget the world. and take you with me. make mad love. dance with fireflies.

where there are no limits at all. no complications. and it all just feels like peace and love. no repercussions. no hurt. only immediacy. no future plans. only this moment. only us.

and I could say everything I've ever wanted to say. free flowing honesty. confession. white truth. all these words that bubble inside like a hot spring. and you could do the same. the good and the bad would run from us like a stream collecting snow melt ~ and just maybe we would melt a little too.

and when we were finished... we could wipe the slate clean. or not. and move on. or not. counting the moments till we'd once again meet beneath that tree.

Love

i love it when i feel connected. like a current runs through me, runs through everything. it is always there but you have to seek out the vibration ~ you have to tune into and let it be the pulse that moves you.

it is a pulse you have to want to feel ~ to get there takes some quiet, some solitude.

last night i went to bed feeling it. and woke up with such gratitude in my heart. i listened to my sleep music long into the night and it gave me this serene sense of the world, like i was held in invisible threads, webs strong like kevlar.

even though, in the great scheme of things, i am a small being. in the great scheme of things, I am all things.

"if you want more love, why don't you say so" John Mayer

Raw

"If your everyday life seems poor don't blame it; blame yourself.

Admit to yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches;

because for the creator there is no poverty and no indifferent place."

Rainer Maria Rilke

Yes, yes, I know! I know! ~ She's back on the Rilke bandwagon and you're all cringing in your seats! So this is all I'm going to say (for now)...

Rilke lived from his heart and he had a special gift for seeing the world as it was in all of its glorious confusion and complications. He didn't try to pretty it up or mask what he thought was truth. He lived unapologetically and in some regards beyond the boundaries of himself.

He didn't mind that life was at times raw. He was as content in the pain as in the bliss. The duality of all things did not go amiss on this man.

So live as though there is no indifferent place. And as though we are all beautiful just because we are, because we exist, because we breathe, because our lives are an (at times) incomprehensible journey. And with your whole heart, strive to be the poet calling forth its riches.

City Finds

Thought I would share a few of the goodies I found in the city.

The tree at the back is the Tree of Life. The artist makes these from recycled 45 gallon oil drums. I bought it at the trade show for our conference, it is a piece of fair trade art from Haiti. Once I find the perfect spot for it, I'll re-photograph it so you can see the intricate details, so beautiful!

It looks like there are 4 books here but really there are only three. Push, Wicked and Eat, Pray, Love are all for my book club. I've been wanting to read the latter since it came out but it has just kept getting set on the back burner ~ so happy I now have some peer pressure to help me get it done! Push is the novel that the movie Precious is based on and Wicked is the life and times of the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz ~ so quite a diverse collection of reading for the next few months.

The book leaning up against the Tree of Life is a leather bound journal I bought for husband for Valentine's. He mentioned that he'd like to have one so he could jot down notes, ideas and plans for the coming year. How could I possibly resist such an opportunity? It is completely decadent and bound in Italian leather, embossed with a fleur d' lea (that's probably spelled wrong but I think you know what I mean). He also informed me that he intends to begin a vision board! In the 20 years we've been together, I can't think of another time that we've experienced such explosive joy and optimism for our future together. It feels pretty damn inspiring!

I don't think the coffee needs any explanation. We are coffee snobs. Enough said.

Those little ear buds are attached to a ... yes that's right, an iPod! I purchased the iPod for a sole reason ~ sleep music. I have such a difficult time settling down at night and this often leads to me getting overtired, and then I'm a bit of a disaster! The CD in the background is called sleepdeeply and is scientifically engineered with delta binaural beats, which entrains the brain to vibrate at about 2 beats per second, mimicking how the brain cycles during deep sleep. I tried it out last night. So far so good.

That beautiful bag is my new laptop snuggly! It is made by Dakine and so completely yummy I could just eat it! The inside is purple fleece. My VAIO told me again just this morning that she has a super crush on her new bag. ;)

Cream, cream and more cream! That tiny little jar is DMAE cream from Derma-E. If you've never used Derma-E products, check them out! They are one of my favorites for sure! The other bottles are organic based brands that I also love ~ alba shampoo and conditioner, Kiss my Face Citrus Lavender moisturizer (oh I wish you could smell it through the screen) and lastly Avalon Organics Lavender hand and body lotion.

I just wanted to share with you my shopping afterglow! What are your favorite things?

5 Elements

A lesson:

~WOOD, FIRE, EARTH, METAL, WATER ~

The theory of the five elements is an ancient philosophy used to describe the physical universe. These five elements have been an integral foundation for centuries in Chinese medicine to show a connectedness between the human body's physiology, pathology and the natural world. They are in constant change and movement with each other.

Wood feeds Fire

Fire create Earth (ash)

Earth bears Metal

Metal carries Water

Water nourishes Wood

Wood parts Earth (roots)

Earth absorbs Water

Water quenches Fire

Fire melts Metal

Metal chops Wood

Wood absorbs Water

Water rusts Metal

Metal breaks up Earth

Earth smothers Fire

Fire burns Wood.

*Wikipedia*

The Easy

Hanging at my sister's in the city for the week. Yesterday husband and I stole away for a few hours to roam the mall and ate at one of my fav restaurants. Got lost in Chapters and bought the next 3 books for book club. Husband decided while walking past a mens clothing store that at that moment he needed do some serious wardrobe upgrade. I found the whole thing to be quite hilarious and had to stifle my giggles through the antics of an overly flirtatious sales person. I guess it worked as he left with a leather jacket! OMG ~ who are you? I'm still smiling inside and out, so it was obviously worth it in the end.

Now, to drink lots of coffee at a very leisurely pace! Later I'll go walking with sis and the babies!

I really hope your day is as good as mine is starting out... but I can't imagine how! :)

Hanging with Ava (my niece)! Fun!

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet

and the winds long to play with your hair.

~ Kahil Gibran ~

Ambiguity

When you KNOW the goal, it is easy to close the gap between you and it.

Suddenly husband and I find ourselves in a position where we've just agree'd on several major steps forward and the means by which we plan to get there. Amazing how the last few months have been so confusing yet out of it clarity has emerged.

We've always had a loose dream for a particular property but hadn't been able to solve to satisfactions those parts that dangled ~ which I guess just meant the timing wasn't right yet. And now suddenly, it is happening. Moving forward with such ease that it is taking on a life of its own.

I find people love to give advice on how to make things work. But life has a special timing for each of us. And really, if things can't proceed with ease, if we constantly find ourselves forcing a flow, such effort is contradictory to the definition of flow. There is nothing wrong with sitting a while with ambiguity ~ it blurs the limits of your mind, expands the possibilities.

Winter Fun

It's been a good solid week. We accomplished a lot and the kids were on board with expectations. When I wanted them to listen, they listened. When I wanted them to talk and move and contribute they managed that with out losing perspective on what they were trying to accomplish. So work wise it was productive with a calm ease. As a teacher, you really can't ask for more than this.

And now... a break. Next week our division is shut down until February 16 while teachers are required to attend a mandatory convention in the city. I'm excited because it means a week with my sister and the babies. And shopping. And movies. And dinner at a few of my favorite restaurants. :) Basically it all equals happy.

Because we won't return to school until after Valentine's we had a low key exchange in the classroom today and a sledding party just for fun. It did us all a world of good to just get outside and have some crazy carpet time! The smiles and laughter echoed. All the fresh air and climbing up and down the hill (sadly it's not that high) have me now feeling like I'm heading into a relaxation coma!

I feel good. Like some peace has settled in this week. Like I can sit with it and enjoy it without rushing it to be done.

Forward

Creating a plan forward is definitely a great way to inject some new energy into your life. For the years we have lived here, the north has been the life we've wanted and actively created. It's an experience that has fulfilled and enriched us both. I've been a part of a very small population that experiences beauty in the frozen landscapes, a moon that pops out of the sky, northern lights that never tire of dancing the night away and solstice days that stretch from early morning to earlier morning.

It is just recently that we've felt a strong pull to explore other things, away from the north.

I do believe that everyone is at all times actively creating the life they have. Today doesn't just randomly appear out of nowhere ~ it is a flow from yesterday into tomorrow. We shape and move in a web of constructs and boundaries we ourselves create. This is life.

I think transitioning sometimes is confusing. Mostly because we put ourselves in position to test boundaries that at one time, we thought were as stretched as we could get. Knowing that you're being called to explore something deeper and perhaps seemingly riskier can bring up a lot of emotions. I'd say those emotions (fears) have been circling and surfacing in me for the last couple of months. And remarkably, as heavy as those feelings have been, today is total peace and acceptance. As though I've just weathered a great storm, and now my heart is full of gratitude that all the things that matter still remain.

Shhh, there are secrets in here.

January has not been the easiest month.

We're putting the house up for sale. I really love this house but I'm fine with it being a memory of a lovely place we lived during our time in the north. And no, I'm not shutting the door to the north completely. I'm blessed with a ridiculously well paying job here and I think to just throw that out would be a careless thing to do. This is just a first step.

I am ready to forward think and put energy into the intentions we have for the future. Having made the decision and talked with the real estate agent has brought some additional clarity. It could take some time for the house to sell, as the market is as slow and saturated here as it is most other places. Our first step is a silent listing. This gives our selling option to only one company to show to pre-screened buyers and keeps a sign off our lawn. Depending on spring markets we may go ahead with a full listing.

Beyond this measure both husband and I have taken some personal steps. In early January I enrolled in a course to learn to trade FOREX. Forex is the world currency market. My course starts on Monday! I'm trying not to put any expectations on it. It is an arena that offers a lot of potential but could take months if not years to learn to successfully navigate. But, I'm looking forward to giving my brain a workout at something new. And fingers crossed, love it and earn a few bucks along the way. :)

Husband loves to build. When we lived in Halifax, he renovated our house and here he has finished the basement and rebuilt the deck (it wasn't to his satisfaction so he tore it off and made it over ~ seriously!) So he has signed up for a timber-framing course. The course takes place in April in the Rocky Mountains. I'm certain he will come back brimming with inspiration. We are both into home design and I expect that the next formidable project may very well be building a house. Exciting to think about.

So in my mind, we are starting to be on our way.

Thankful

I do believe that my husband

is proof that god gives mes gifts

I don't deserve. :)

My New Favorite Book

I found this to be an emotionally difficult week. There is a full moon looming and let's just say that without ever looking at the sky I know whenever we are close to this event happening... because seriously... it affects children! It ups their energy several notches. As the energy increases, listening and good behavior in general decreases! Plus they have no school tomorrow (I do) and we've had a week of indoor recess (yuck, yuck, yuck). So all combined, we're in need of creative outlets. And to take a breath. And chill out. And sit down in our seats. And just shut up for the love of god children!!!!

Dramatics aside (and there were many) a couple of pretty special things also happened. Our grade 3 classes put on a benefit lunch with money being donated to World Vision for their Haiti Relief Fund. We asked for a donation of $3 from students and more if they'd like. We were able to raise just under $500! The best part was that our local grocery store donated all of the food which enabled us to give every kid lunch, even those who didn't donate.

I have to say the effort was worth the reward. Asking for and collecting those grocery donations put me on an incredible high. I was overwhelmed by the generosity. I guess for them it probably wasn't a big deal, but for me it felt like what I had set out to do in the beginning, which was small in scope, had grown into so much more. Should I be surprised? No, that's the way life is ~ everything starts from seed and seeks to increase. It is like the universe finds joy in multiplying. For a time I sincerely felt moved by my own ability to change the world.

Another lovely occurrence was when a colleague passed me a book she thought I would enjoy reading to my kids. She said it fit nicely with our fundraising efforts. Boxes for Katje by Candace Fleming takes place in Holland at the end of WWII. Katje, a young Dutch girl receives a box from an American girl named Rosie via the Children's Aid Society. The box contains a pair of socks, a bar of soap and a chocolate bar that Katje shares with her mother and the the postman. This begins a penpal friendship that results in a whole town collecting food and personal care items for Katje and her neighbors.

There were a number of time that my eyes brimmed with tears while reading this aloud. And the whole class sat completely motionless, absorbing the story. I've read a good share of children's literature, and I'm constantly amazed at the quality of this genre. This one I have to put at the top of the pile. Go to your library or bookstore and read it! If you know someone who survived the war, buy them a copy. For all the 8 and 9 year olds in your life, make this a part of the next gift you buy them and give yourself the pleasure of reading it to them. And then hug them really tight.