Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Seasons & Time

For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful in its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. So I concluded that there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can.

~ Ecclesiastics 3 ~

For a bit now, I've been considering taking a year off from work. Thinking about it to the point that it is making me a little mental. One hour I'm "yes, yes, yes, do it" and the next I'm making a list of all the reasons that I can't or should at the very least put it off for one more year.

On the way home today with spring so clearly in the air I couldn't help but consider the seasons. Before all of the modern niceties that we enjoy (you know ~ central heating, indoor plumbing, electricity) peoples lives were cyclical. They were in cadence with the seasons and moon cycles. Man's work fluctuated with the calendar and priority was always on survival.

I'm happy that my life does not revolve around having to meet the bare necessities. However, I do think that we've lost a certain circadian heartbeat with nature. Our bodies still hold the DNA of our forefathers, who would never have been able to accept the lifestyle we now lead. Locking ourselves indoors, in small rooms with self-imposing deadlines for work that is more or less meaningless. How is it that we have collectively agreed to this as our way of life? Even more, how is that we've agreed we should do it 50 weeks out of every year?

Honestly, I've never been that good at holding down a job. I'm restless and have commitment issues.

Teaching is the best job I've ever been privileged to do. And it is important work. For some kids all of their stability is found at school. And the world is in need of teachers that can both clearly teach them the academic things they need AND be a person of great character and compassion. Making them feel loved and appreciated for what they can give back as citizens, regardless of their life circumstances. In my mind, most of the important stuff that happens in our schools have nothing to do with academics. But academics seem to be the glue ~ or maybe it is the other way around. Sometimes I lose myself in the loop.

There are days when I feel like in the cosmic scheme of things, teaching chose me and not the other way around. And, for as much joy as it can bring, it equally tears at your heart and sanity. Most would be surprised at the level of energy required to make a day happen and make it look easy. Sometimes I am so busy giving to my work life that having any other kind of life exhausts me just from thinking about it. Most days it is out of balance ~ as much as I love it and feel made for it, often it is just too much. Causing all the other parts to suffer. Which saddens me.

I still don't know what my final decision will be. The deadline is looming for March 31st. When I came home with Ecclesiastics 3 on my mind, I was comforted by its meditation on time. We need different things from life at different times, and we always have.

~ I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful in its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. ~


Windlost said...

Hey dear girl - hope you find your path! I know how you are feeling. I think there must be more than this current work rut. :)

Hey, can you email me with Andrea's email? I dreamed about her last night. You can also tell me what youv've been up to and this France trip and I will email you!!

David and I are going to France again in April. I love it.

xo Terri

Clara Gorham said...

My Sweet Ange, you're on to something good my darling and your spirit knows it. Just remember you can't miss what you are destined to be - no matter how long you think you may be "wavering". The right time is always the right time. Maybe this is a time to "just rest" rest in knowing who you are - and isn't that alone the most wonderful thing that could be. XOXO I love you - Auntie.

joanne said...

i ask myself so many of the same questions you ask yourself... sometimes it just leaves me clicking through wondering how it's so possible to have someone else think your thoughts with you...

there are times i find myself just standing... wondering how it is we as humans created the kind of lives we did... how we got from there to here... and it can make me feel so displaced...

i so agree that there is no way to miss what you are destined to be... it's so hard to remember, but so very true... we think there is a "right" and a "wrong" and can get so stuck in those logic circles that spin us around and around... so i wish you my very best wishes as you listen for your still small voice...

hugs :)

Bob said...

Heart-warming post Smarts.

It shocks me that some children find all their stability at school. Mind you, that's how I felt when I was seventeen.