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Friday, March 19, 2010

Adventure.

so after that last potty mouth post (thank you, Lyn!), here is what I've concluded...

I am in need of adventure.

a thing I both love and hate about myself (in nearly equal proportions) is that I crave change. and change for me reads like adventure. probably because when I make changes they're not about the color of my socks or hair. they're more like quitting my job and moving provinces. I'm counting on you dear blog reader to be able to recognize the myriad of downsides to this!

when I was a kid my overwhelming desire was to be an acrobat that spun up and down on those long bedsheets, swinging above the crowd with grace and freedom. I later realized the unattractive part of that plan was the traveling with the circus ~ not that many of those people floss. But in my core, even as a small child I identified so strongly with what that represented ~ me doing what others thought of as the impossible, the ridiculous, the daring.

I've been at this place many times before. I've quit many job. They were all tediously boring jobs and even now I can recall the release of those endorphins! Once, in an effort to combat this demon I went back to school and had an almost-so-close-I-could-taste-him affair. But I found out that it wasn't about him.

I recognize this time, accepting myself as the grown-up I've become, now being in my 38th year... is that every time this insatiable need for speed happened... I was BORED and looking for ADVENTURE. And I didn't have the ovaries to call it what it was. This time is different. Even though I'm still bored and technically in the same place ~ figuratively speaking. I'm calling it forth. Calling it what it is. Even though for a bit it masqueraded as other things. Has taken some time to unmask myself (do I have so many I forget which ones are mine?).

But now the beast has been looked in the eye. Frankly we're having a bit of a stare-down via v the mirror. Either way, I win. Right?


6 comments:

rob said...

I think I am in need of adventure too.
You express yourself very well.

Smarts said...

Thank you Rob. Any adventurous ideas? Lay it on me...

Anonymous said...

i truly adore all your posting choice, very helpful,
don't quit and keep creating for the simple reason that it just truly worth to look through it.
excited to look over way more of your own stories, have a good day ;)

Lyn said...

I - like you - get agitated when I don't have something new to look forward to, or too much time passes without change. I crave change and adventure. It's good that you have identified this tendency in yourself ... now you can seek to satisfy it in a constructive, positive way. BTW, I was just teasing about being a potty mouth. That's what my hubby calls me when I am on a rant! : )

Smarts said...

Glad to hear you are the same, Lyn! And I did know that you were teasing me. :) Husband and I had a nice long chat this morning about my problem (cause its not his!). I've decided to start training for the 10k run coming up mid-May in our town. Who says you can't run away from your problems!!!

Smarts said...

Dear Anonymous, I wish I knew who you were! Thank you for visiting my blog and making such encouraging comments. If you have a blog I would love to visit you there. :)