Thankfully I'm back to regular sleep habits. Now my body wants to catch up! A friend/colleague asked me if I was taking any vitamin B ~ which of course I wasn't. So about two weeks ago I started adding that into my daily regimen. The kind I bought was Webber Naturals B~Calm B50 Complex with Sensoril. Living here, there is a limited choice in this sort of thing (only a drug store and a grocery store to choose from) and I chose this brand because it came in capsule form as opposed to tablet. I have to concede that it has done wonders to bring the nervous energy under control, although it took a week before I saw any appreciable difference. A secondary benefit has been a boost in libido! I Googled it to see if I was crazy ... ladies think about adding this to your supplement arsenal! ;)
The husband and I spent a long time talking over coffee this morning. Love these days. He's been reading Dyer again. Good things always come out of him reading Dyer. I think it is because it puts us on the same page in our thoughts and helps us focus in on what we are trying to achieve. I'm not sure about you, but life for me so easily distracts. Full time jobs (even when highly satisfying) can steal away valuable hours that might be better spent by doing something for your future self. So moments like these are important to take full advantage of and zero in on how to move your thoughts into full blown reality.
I don't want to leave the impression that life isn't good. In fact, I think my life has never been better. What I now realize is that I am just beginning to scratch the surface of the kind of life that is possible and that my primary motivations have always been to experience as much as I can as fully as I can. And they don't all have to be pleasure filled ~ I want the gamete.
Do you think there is a difference between goals and goalposts? I've never been great at setting concrete goals. Mostly because I want life to intervene. I don't want my ideas to be so structured that there isn't room for the random good stuff to make its way into the mix. I WANT the kindness of strangers to a part of the flow. With goalposts, at least there is direction. Some would argue that isn't good enough. But, I'm not some and the more I reflect on this point, the more I recognize that it is good enough for me. In my heart I want to live with the ambiguity and given that it is such a deep seated part of my personality, it is what I'm going to naturally attract anyway ~ it would require such an enormous amount of energy to change this about myself that it seems counter-intuitive to even try.
So what are the goal posts I'm shooting for? Well, I have a few things clearly in mind. The first is a piece of property near and dear to my heart that we hope to purchase in the next 6 months. Our plans for this are yet to reveal themselves. But that's okay. It will come. I once was told that when you buy a house you should live in it for 6 months without doing anything to it ~ no paining, no artwork. And, over the course of living and getting to know your new surroundings, the house will speak silently and let you know what it wants. When we bought our second house, I did exactly that. It was astounding all the secret things the house gave up to me! I'd like to see this future property treated the same way. I believe in the rightness of intuition.
The second thing I'm working on is trying to figure a way to earn a living without being tied to a job. I have mixed feelings because I truly love the work I am currently doing. Teaching grade 3 is a joy I'm not quite through with. Also, there are many factors in play right now that make my work so good ~ the grade 3 teaching team (5 of us in total) is a well oiled machine, my administrators give me room to do my job and be creative, AND the group of kids I'm teaching at the present moment (and their parents) make the day to day stuff feel both fun and purposeful. It is ideal. BUT, I've enough experience to know that all of these factors aren't always in play all of the time ~ so I'm appreciating fully this gift that I've been given!
Teaching though is the second love of my life, something I have learned to love. Writing is the first. Soon, I want to create a block of time and space to explore just what I am capable of creating with the written word. I know for certain that I don't want to write for other people (free-lancing). If that were my only outlet, I believe I'd be much more fulfilled keeping my day job. Still, the thing I always come back to is writing. So I want to honor this and give it life beyond this blog.
In the meantime, I'm just going to keep putting it out there ~ into the aether. Let it come to me as it is ready to find expression.
So what about you? Where do you find yourself on the scale of directing your life? Are you wandering the desert looking for the promised land? Or are you there making dreams come true? Seriously, I want to know...