Pushed

Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go,

You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go.
Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me.

There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down,

You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown.

But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK.

Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day.

~Sarah McLaughlin, Push~

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I feel like giving thanks. Not even sure why, other than it seems necessary. I'm experiencing a healthy bout of humility, both for things done right and a list of things that need redoing. I believe in making amends. Just the question is, how to make them? And is it so much a mending as it is a rebuilding? And is the structure that emerges mine to determine? I am certain that it is not.

~

There is something in my life right now that is challenging me. All of these things that I have been learning and discovering and believe about the Spirit that lives within each of us - is being drawn into a public forum and put to the test. The world on the other side of the looking glass needs to merge into this reality. What is currently reflecting is the physical me and all of those ego perceptions - and that is what I need to get beyond. It is tempting to revert back, to rest in the tried and illusionary true.

~

I do believe that we are spiritual beings having this extraordinary experience at playing the game of life. The rules have not been designed to bring us to a place of oneness - but rather instill the goals of material gathering and emotional numbness. Yet the thing we all desire is to be emotionally and spiritually feed - but we articulate this to our shame and are weak for the wanting.

~

Sometimes I get tired. Dis-courage-d. Afraid. I think that it can't be done. It will never change. I am power-less to even try. When this happens I know that I have dis-connected and need to find the source of strength - our oneness - that transcends and is patient and kind. A love that can redeem my hardened heart and restore balance, that picks me up and brushes me off so that I can make it through the day. Giving thanks that the challenge is mine.