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Thursday, April 26, 2007

When to close the door and when to open it back up?

A very pleasant day. The sun is shining and the ground is drying out at a speedy rate. One thing about living so far north is that once winter ends, a combination spring/summer is ushered in quickly! Already we are getting daylight from 6am til 10pm and the temperatures have been holding steady at +15C most days.

I had a rough evening last night. I was overwhelmed by all of the possible changes to take place. To my embarrassment I played the 'what if' game and made myself quite miserable indeed. I worried about husband getting / not getting the job. He is working a ridiculous amount of hours these days plus he is studying for a professional exam in his spare time, so between the two, he's a ghost in this house. Our weekend trip away made me realize that the bulk of problems we've been having have been a result of disconnect and not having time together. I am not so naive to think that a new job will rectify this but regardless something must give. So I played the what if game over that too.

And one other small problem I've been having since coming back from the Island. Babies. I was certain that decision was completely behind me. However two of my friends there, both of whom recently turned 40, are pregnant, and glowing! And teaching primary school hasn't helped either. The funny part is that I always swore that if I did have children I would only want boys but now I can't stop thinking how sweet it would be to have a little girl. It just might be those damn little kindergarten kids doing this to me. They're all so lovely and tug at my heartstrings with batty eyelashes and crocodile tears.

Only time will have all of the answers.

1 comment:

terri said...

Ah, the baby question. One piece of advice. Don't bring a baby into a marriage that is having problems (if that is what I understand might be happening). It won't fix anything and limits your options. Also, try not to base your decisions on what other people are doing. It is really hard, and I could write a whole blog about this. There is a part of me also that wants a baby because I am afraid I am missing what everyone else seems to have and desire. But the reality is, I personally don't desire it for me, for my life, right now anyway. I hope that will change and I will know when it is time. If not, I hope I will not have after- regrets later in life. But I know now, if I found out I was pregnant, I would be more sad (more "oh crap") than happy. And that isn't out-weighed by any number of cute little baby buntings and wee outfits and toys and loveliness. Some day I hope my internal desires will change, so that I can make my decision in time, if it is meant to be. So I mention me as a reflection of you. I hope you don't make a decision just because others are making it around you. Pregnancy may be all "glowing faces" and cute outfits and parties, but raising a child for the next 20+ years is serious, not "cute". :) (although I think you would do a fine job!). Try not to be swayed by all the pregnant chicks you know. Everyone around me is knocked up, and I, personally, am sick of it. I love my freedom and don't envy them one bit! :)