Sunday, March 09, 2008

The grass in the fields ahead.

As you may have noticed, my blogging frequency has increased significantly in the last week! I'm not sure what has gotten into me, but love of the word has once again overtaken. I do not mind being in her possession, it feels good. The rattling of this old keyboard is comforting and I can play her as some might tickle the ivory and ebony.

Early in January I posted that I was going to change the content of my blog from spirituality to money management. Oppps. That hasn't quite materialized like I envisioned. True enough I am done with self-help but I am not quite ready to relinquish the thoughts that fill my head on the self. It is far too interesting to me and there is still so much to learn. I hope that by the time I am 70 I will have more wisdom that I do now and yet still have infinite capacity to learn and to make observations on human nature. At every stage we just see things with new eyes. The deepest beauty of life is that it is an ever changing dynamic, if you're static you're not living. Dynamics allow for chaos and confusion and a never quite knowing how it will all turn out. This in itself makes me excited about life.

I think I have passed a tipping point. 15 years ago I never would have imagined that I would become this person - really it is quite surprising. I am curious to know who I will be at 50, in another 15 years. I hope that I will be just as imperfect and prone to making mistakes and taking risks, just new ones - and that I will have learned from all my current mistakes, 'er I mean learning opportunities! The tipping point is that I'm ready for more now. More in all capacities.

Part of that capacity is financial. I grew up relatively poor. Not destitute and always fed, but I knew the pinch of lack. When I connect the dots I can see how influential poverty has been on my life's beliefs and choices. I set low standards for what would be enough, what I could attain. I did not want to take or be given more than was my share. As a result, I have always had a bit of a gypsy attitude. My husband describes it as a tree planter's mentality. I go so far, work so hard and then pull back. There was always an imaginary boundary, an invisible high charged electric fence that kept me from the other side. I have carried on as though money were unnecessary and that all that I would ever need would be provided to me.

This is not the worst paradigm a person can view the world from but it does have a down side. The biggest down side is that it keeps you from being all that you can be in other aspects of your life. When the going gets tough you hide out and seek refuge until the storm is over. Then you proceed to rebuild your house, all the time anticipating another storm at any moment. Another rebuilding. Another storm. Rebuild. Storm. And the cyclone continues.

I still believe that when necessary, all that I need will be provided. I believe in providence and serendipitous circumstances. But I also need to go beyond my fear of just having enough and come into the presence of plenty. I can do it, I have all of the tools necessary. But one's toolkit can be full of the highest quality crafting material and the crafter can still create sub quality workmanship. I have had the toolkit for a long time and have in many ways mismanaged its use.

Proverbs 24 v. 30-34 says:
I went past the field of the sluggard,
past the vineyard of the man who lacks judgement;
thorns had come up everywhere,
the ground was covered with weeds,
and the stone wall was in ruins.
I applied my heart to what I observed
and learned a lesson from what I saw:
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest -
and poverty will come on you like a bandit
and scarcity like an armed man.
As women in particular, it is high time that we step up to the plate. It can be intimidating and easy to let our fear point us down the path of least resistance. The path that often waits for the eye of the storm and keeps us caught in the yo yo of build tear down, build tear down. It is a temporary mindset that we allow permanent reign. We need to put our energy into building up and building up in places that can sustain what we build so our actions are not in vain. I know there are lessons to be learned from having what you've built taken away, but I feel right now my lesson is for the good that comes from building up not tearing down.
My tipping point is that I now have the belief that I can build and it can be good and it can prosper. It is a new direction for my energy and my thinking.
So my question to you is this... Are you moving toward a tipping point and in what area of your life? How have you folded your hands to rest? Is it in your family life? Your love life? Your financial life? Your professional life? What scares you? Where do you need to give more or less?


jane said...

nice post - quite thought provoking for me.

you posted on my blog yesterday so now i have bookmarked you as well.

hope your day is going well. i love lazy sundays and this one is no different...


Smarts said...

Jane, so nice to have you stopping by. Enjoy your lazy Sunday, they also are my favourite.


joanne said...

Thank you for stopping by my site, and I am glad I clicked through to read today. I feel like I have a lot I could say to your thought-provoking post, but in a way I wish to just absorb it, as it somehow feels complete in itself.

You are an expressive, wonderful writer, reminding me that I've gotten a bit lazy in my own writing style of late, and so thank you too for the care you have taken in the birth of this post.

peace to you this lovely weekend.

Smarts said...

Welcome Joanne! I am pleased you stopped by.

And thank you also for the kind words. It has been a long time since I have written with any passion in the pen. It is cathartic when it happens.

If you come back to read again, please leave me a link back to your site. :)

Namaste. angela