Saturday, August 09, 2008

Alas, I did not see my once true love. I was sad but have now decided that the timing must not be right. I struggled with the idea of calling him up and saying I was sorry I missed him at the funeral, but the act had a smell of desperation I wasn't quite prepared to embrace. That plus the fact that he has kids and a wife and I have a dog and a husband and neither of us need rumors circling the Bloomfield hills.

Sometimes I wish life were simpler when it comes to our desires. That we could act upon them without causing hurt. To ourselves or to others. Above all else, I want to remain an honourable person at heart. Chasing after long lost loves doesn't seem to fall logically in the category.


serenity said...

I think your comment about timing to be very interesting, and perhaps something unknown kept this meeting from occurring this time around.

It also makes me think about these dreams we keep of those who have passed into and out of our lives, and what it would really be like to sit down in the present with someone of our past. Would it be the same? Would all that fantasy we conjure up over the years be mostly illusion that lives only in our hearts and our heads? Or would time seem to have stood entirely still as we are returned right back to those magical times of the heart?

Following the heart, whichever way it leads us, is not always the easiest of things to do.

Bob said...

You might turn into a pillar of salt if you aren't careful.

Smarts said...

serenity, thank you for stopping by and leaving me your comments.

I like how you put it... these dreams we keep! What a beautiful way to sum it up. Knowing how much I have changed since our exchange, I can only hope that to would be the case for him. We were such innocents. I think that would be the best part to remember, they way we were before becoming tainted by the world!

One must be brave when following the heart and careful that where it leads is really the place the heart most desires to go!


Smarts said...

Rob! I'm not entirely sure you were being funny, but you did make me laugh regardless. :-)

I'm going to think on your words as there is much to ponder in their meaning. My past is far from Sodom's debauchery, but non-the-less, too much looking back has the power to stop us dead in our tracks!

Thanks for this, I've not heard 'pillar of salt' used as a figure of speech before.


rob said...

Pillar of salt, if I remember correctly, is what Lot's wife was told she would turn into if she looked back.

Old Testament.

I was being both funny and serious incidentally. Many a true word...

serenity said...

Yes, our discernment of the heart can be a challenge at times, can't it. There can be so many distractions away from it that can blur it.

So, someday perhaps you will meet again, and it will be a lovely meeting of two lives that shared something innocent and special, a new meeting at just the right time...and maybe another meeting won't be meant to be for you. Either way, the lovely thing about our memories is they are ours to keep. :)

I have thought on this post and your previous one over the last day or so, and I think there is so much to it, and in it, for many of us...if not necessarily in the specific details, certainly in the heart behind it.

Thank you for sharing your heart.