Monday, June 11, 2007

The truth is that if I really wanted to, I could almost put into words everything that I have been feeling of late... but I just don't want to. It is enough to have it all banging off the walls of my brain without spilling every minute detail out on paper. Plus, I'm not sure if you've ever noticed, but words so often, regardless of how eloquent or descriptive, rarely nail the emotion to a tee.

So the shortened version is that... as of yet I have no teaching position for the fall. It is frustrating being on the bottom rung, more so at 35 than 24.

... Jeremy went for the interview and has yet to hear news either way. However, from the interview he decided that the position is not one he would particularly enjoy. High profile, high stress. In the in term, current company is so broke that he couldn't get permission to buy a cake for one of his staff going on mat leave! Ironically, the GM retired last Friday, followed by a blowout party Saturday night for about 100 featuring prime rib and open bar!

... my sister is having a baby in 3 months. She has a LOT on her plate.

... my parents are taking a break and dad is moving out to live with me - this Saturday! This also means that my trip home will be completely monopolized by my mother, who is apparently in a polarizing mood.

... my marital status remains as always, undecided.

So in the locally famous words of my friend Marcel, it's nothing but a shit show! (God that makes me laugh). Just a whole lotta shitballs flying around!!

On the positive side of life - our taxes should be completed by the end of the week, our yard is being graded and landscaped starting tomorrow, my ticket home is bought, school is almost out and my feet will soon be in the Miramichi river.


Bridget said...

When it rains, things flood, we say here. Hugs to you, I know exactly what you mean when you say you can never put into words the emotions you feel, but I also know what being able to dip your feet in that river soon means to you. God Bless.XOX

terri said...

Wow, what an update. And I know what you mean about not having the words. Sometimes stuff it just crystal clear in our heads but words fail. At this point in my life, I am also done with indulging myself in words. Forty journals and I never worked it all out. So now I think about home decor. And all my constant, deep, illuminating thoughts I shuffle to the side and ignore. Who the hell cares what I figured out. As long as it is clear to me, or to you, is all that matters. I am sorry to hear it is a rocky ride right now, but you seem perfectly well and your head seems completely clear and I think you are exactly who you are meant to be right now -perhaps the calm eye of the storm? Let me know how things are going. Blog or email...and enjoy your vacation "home". I so envy you that....
And give my regards to A. - I didn't know she was pregnant! How great. She was always such a wise and lovely girl.

Smarts said...

Ah Bridget, thank you for the hugs. I shall think of you as I float down the river!


Smarts said...

Hi Terri, no trip home this summer? I was hoping...

I will give A your well wishes - she is very excited and our family is looking forward to some new life injected.

As for my shit show, I guess I love it despite some chaos and uncertainty and feel much contentment in my soul. We can be such conflicted characters!

We should really try and visit together this summer. I was thinking about a trip to Calgary in August. Perhaps we can disclose schedules by email (fyi - mine is wide open!)

love a

terri said...

I would love if you could visit in August. You are welcome to stay here if you like, as long as you like! My August is wide open (I may go home in late fall or after Xmas and David and I are doing a trip in Sept or Oct). Email me later when/if you get a chance.
Love T.

Anonymous said...

Hi Smarts,

Just thought I'd say hello and wish you well.
Don't worry about's unfolding perfectly in its imperfect way!


Smarts said...

Hi Rob. You are so very right! Hope all is well with you.