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Friday, July 21, 2006

Muse-ings

Feeling inspired and I believe it shows!

I'm home - as in my hometown home, sleeping in the 'bedroom I grew up in' home. Life is changing. The house is sold and the packers come on Monday. I'm feeling so many things. Lots of joy, a bit of sadness, reflective evaluation.

Being home makes me remember things I thought I'd forgotten. School girl dreams of becoming a writer. The first boy I was sure I loved. How one summer I forgot to eat because I just couldn't be thin enough. That I never wanted to grow up and leave this place.

And then life gets in the way. And you meet yourself - or at least you arrive at a space inside your head where you're open to meeting this person and start to get a glimpse of who you just might be destined to become.

Mine is not a large life, but it is also not small. 18 years ago I could not have envisioned anything as big as what I have now. Perspective changes everything. I feel deeply appreciative for the webs of people and circumstances that have opened me up to living and choosing and just learning to be.

I spent this evening with my grandfather. He is 86. We played crib and he won every game. He has my points counted before I even have my hand layed on the table. We ate a mincemeat pie and donuts, both he made from scratch. We drank tea. And a long time from now I will remember this night.

And you see, this is the very reason I feel so blessed, so inspired. My heart is filled with nights like this. Different faces and various relations but the essence is the same. Time. Time that meant something. Time that connected me in spirit to people I love and places I have been. It might not have changed the world, but it all changed me.

7 comments:

Rob said...

This post has a good feeling. You seem to open to life's adventure.

terri said...

glad to see you posting again. also happy to hear you are finding some contentment and peace in all the upheaval these days. sometimes when so much change is going on, it is easy to feel off-balance and unsure of everything (self included), but these are also the times when we appreciate all the little details of our lives because they suddenly seem so tenuous. love to you and promise to email soon...hope to see you in the not-too-distant future?!?

Smarts said...

Hello Rob, happy you found this post feel good. Always my pleasure to have you reading.

;)

Smarts said...

Hi T, yes finding much contentment in these tenuous day. I seem to have a heightened awareness of the "little details of life". Admittedly, it is joyful and humbling.

Smarts said...

Rob, I enjoy life most when open to adventure. It's all adventure, right?

Rob said...

Even the misadventures are important. ;)

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