Like many, I wonder about my life and how it is unfolding. Am I making the right choices right now? How will it all turn out? Is there hope that in the future I will be able to slow down and spend a bit of extra time smelling the wildflowers as I drive along unchartered roads (not highways)? Should I be buying real estate today that in 25 years time I could not possibly afford? Will I be alone? With the same person? Or with someone new? Will I be able to afford the kind of life I want to live?
My apologies if I have already exhausted you before you've even gotten to the 2nd paragraph. But I'm quite certain that I am not the only one whose mind gets way-layed by such overwhelming thoughts. My past mistakes don't ever concern me much. And, I embrace the present. In my line of work one cannot help but take hold of what is right in front of them as it is so demanding of attention that it is impossible to turn away from it.
But on a down day, like today... a much needed down day in which I have forced myself to rock the fashionable yoga pant and hooded sweat and pile my hair haplessly atop my head... it is today when I have a chance to think and even be a little bored that I wonder about all of the above.
There are times when we need to take ourselves seriously. Even if it is just for a day. And give due consideration to those worries in life. Does it change their outcomes? Maybe. Does it give me pause? Definitely. If I don't take the wheel, then who?
I know all of this comes from fear. But fear can be a motivating force. As much as we want to be fearless - whom among us really is? And should we aspire to it? Does compromising on certain aspects of our lives detract from other parts? Or, does the compromise actually enhance other areas? It is a tough question to answer with certainty. I know many people who have followed desire down a dead end road, causing much carnage along the way.
Welcome friends, to my bipolar musings. ;-)