Thursday, April 10, 2008

Chain Re-act-ion and Knee-jerk Reflexes

There is a softness to life that is easier felt when times are rough than when they are grand. Much to be said for getting cut off at the knees from time to time and crawling back into the shell of uncertainty and humility. Retreat so as to sort through it all and take a breather from the race (where people only ever get up go to work and then rush home to watch crime and drama unfold on cnn).

Inside the shell the mind gets quiet. The radio gets turned off for a while. Sometimes the lights even go out. Echos of what someone said that was unkind and unwarranted bounce in crazy directions from the curvature of the walls. You try your best to get out of the way so that it would stop smacking you over and over, after all hasn't enough damage been done? And you wonder what to do. What to say. How to respond.

Anger is a natural. The easy way.

But you've been on another path. Huddled in your turtle pose you wonder who hurt them that they should hurt you? Your anger begins to dissolve. It's energy has been wounded. The corners of your heart loosen. An image of their pain replaces your own.

You feel only. So much so that you can't quite figure it all out. You weep for your own relief, that you need not fight that which has fought against you. This knowing lights your eyes with strength and you have gained a new knowing. A thresh hold has been broken through.

Joy finds you through unusual and unexpected circumstances.

“In a controversy, the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for truth and have begun striving for ourselves.” Abraham Heschel


joanne said...

Very beautifully expressed, and written. I was just having a discussion about anger and hurt last night with someone who gave me a different perspective on it, one I had never considered before. It is much more natural for me to consider the pain and hurt of someone else and how that leads them to act in angry ways, perhaps striking out and hurting me. It is much more unnatural for me to consider that I also need to have defenses, skills to be able to defend my own health and position from the pouring of anger into me. It is with this posture of understanding another, meeting them where they are at and being their mirror that as you so beautifully point out we can heal our own wounds and hopefully act in a way that protects us from being wounded in the first place.

Smarts said...

I think to live is to know the pain of hurt, rejection and slander. A few years ago I would have actually enjoyed going a few rounds with this person (who happens to be a 9 year old child). But after giving purposeful thought to the situation I decided that the lesson the boy was most in need of was kindness. That is probably true for the world in general!

For kindness to be effective, you are right, we do need to have defenses and skill in how we manage ourselves - and these are far superior superior qualities than that of the person who lashes out in anger.

In the end, although change can come from enforcement (which is often required to keep children safe from themselves and others) it is more important that we help them to achieve personal and intrinsic change. To do so, we must adrently model those behaviors. But who is to discount the power of the occasional 'fuck off' approach! :)

joanne said...

And I think what is vital in what you say is for us ourselves to remain in a place of balance, or center if you will. For if we ourselves are thrown off by another's behavior or stance toward us we are more likely to react in a way that is out of balance, both for ourselves and for the other party, and usually resulting in escalating rather than understanding.

And then again, some days and situations and behaviors are just made for "fuck off" :) (and I worked with enough 9 year olds to know that age is not a consideration when it comes to those sorts of days)

Smarts said...

:) ain't that the truth!

Ms Dare2dv8 (Also Known As: Andrea) said...

what a restful picture. I love you. I think you're quite cool.

Making it lovely (SP) said...

What an interesting blog I found here. I will come back again:_)

Take care

Gunilla in Singapore