It has been a full day and my posting time is limited at the moment - however I did want to share with you one of my favourite daily reads. George makes me want to be only my authentic self in the highest and truest capacity I have the ability to live. His words have beauty in both their texture and meaning. When I seem to wander around, bouncing and teetering on the cusp of diction, he goes to the heart and leaves me going "yes, of course" in one fell swoop. I love his poetic philosophising. I hope that you also will appreciate.

George Breed - Cosmocracy

So often I sit here, wanting to write it all down and express it just so. And the thoughts filter through but rarely find any permanence on the page. Mostly because they are scattered, they come and go in rapid fire succession. They are filled with love, concern, turmoil, peace, rage and a deep knowing that in the end, none of it really matters.

I finished my report card comments on Friday and today I received kudos on a job well done from my principal. I guess that serves as a reminder that when called on to do so I can still write coherent and suscinct sentences. I enjoyed taking the time to consider the unique qualities and personalities of my students. In fact, I find myself somewhat saddened by the fact that they are only 8 and that it will be a very long time before they find their road in life. I wish I could, for just a few moments, fast forward to where their lives will take them, to see if my predictions come true. I wonder if other teachers think this way?

There are several highly intelligent kids in my class. Having learned as much as I have about giftedness over the last few years, my mind is always spinning in this direction and looking for characteristics that fit the profile. I'm quite good at spotting them and I find that it something many teachers discount or just file under 'smart' and leave it at that. To me this is a disservice not only to the child and their family but also to society at large. These are the kinds of kids that can change the world and unless someone tells them this, often they grow up not finding adequate challenges or believing that they are just like everyone else - they are not!

Recently I've noticed one boy in particular (who fits the profile and I imagine him squirrelled away in some obscure labratory 30 years from now) and his relationship to another boy in our class. They both possess lovely and delicate spirits and take great comfort in each other's company. Whenever they are standing beside each other, in line or on the playground, they hold hands. It seems to happen so naturally and spontaneously, almost as though they could not possibly stop it from happening. It touches me deep inside and I want to somehow protect these boys and their innocense from the cruelty of street savey bullies. Although I detect nothing sexual, they are afterall only eight years old, I do wonder if they are gay or if they for the moment have just found a safe refuge in another human being. My deepest hope is that their generation moves toward a loving acceptance rather than strained tollerance, and that their lives are full and blessed - and they have the freedom to be who they truly are.

Today. Take joy in who you are and share the good you have to give.

Namaste.

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all.
Joni Mitchell

New Every Morning

Oh man! There is no planet sun or star that could hold you, if you but knew what you are! Ralph Emerson Waldo

________________

It is the beginning of a new week. I'm heading in with a renewed calm, with much thanks!

Yesterday I attended a sun salutation yoga workshop. Our room faces east, so just as the sun was peaking over the horizon we welcomed it with opening arms and bowing heads. It was incredibly moving and spiritually rendering - to just be in that moment with the sun and the silhouette of darkness as it lifted before us.

photo: Pisco Bandito, Flickr - click on photo

Go for long walks,
indulge in hot baths,
question your assumptions,
be kind to yourself,
live for the moment,
loosen up,
scream,
curse the world,
count your blessings,
just let go,
just be.
Carol Shields

I haven't written in so long. And that makes me sad. Life has been moving so fast and yet so slow. There has been no down time, no reprieve from the work and it is taking (taken) its toll.

After a mostly sleepless week, some serious pms and a 60 kid Halloween party - I had nothing left to give today. So at 3:45 when I woke up this morning with a head full of snot, ears and throat on fire - I couldn't help but ask what the hell is wrong with me that I would put myself through this and get myself wound into such a frenzy. So I called in sick.

I rarely call in sick. Oh I get sick, but I am super womyn! Watch me scale tall buildings and rescue the helpless.

School is good but it is so ridiculously busy that there are times I resent it. Sometimes it feels like they own you and resistance is futile. We are little drones who keep doing what central office dictates, and with each request we get further away from that for which we were hired - to teach and nurture children. All the while, smiling and publicly moving about as though everything is exactly how it should be. It is not genuine but it is expected. The dissenters are called out on professional misconduct. Heresy.

And then today I read my sister's blog. Early last year she was diagnosed with precancerous cells. Remarkably, just as she was about to decide on a course of treatment, they were gone. Vanished. Without a trace. It was a medical mystery of self healing. Or so they thought.

Fast forward to present day. My sister has a beautiful 8 week old baby girl named Ava. And the cells are back. More plentiful than before.

And when I found this out I just broke down. I am overwhelmed by a sad despair. And I'm angry that life can be so fragile and doesn't seem to respect our person or our circumstances. I can't seem to figure out the big picture right now. My perspective is broken. And whoever is responsible for this game called life is obviously the most fucked up entity in the universe.

I wander through fiction to look for the truth, buried beneath all the lies and I stood at a distance to feel who you are, hiding myself in your eyes. Don't fall, just be who you are. It's all that we need in our lives. And the risk that might break you is the one that would save - a life you don't live is still lost. Hold back your fear and see nothing is real 'til it's gone. Goo Goo Dolls, Before It's Too Late

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music. Angela Monet

Somewhere in this ridiculously overloaded month, I've regained a passion that has been lacking. I'd love to relay that it is all roses and apple pie but of course that is not real life, now is it! It doesn't work like that.

But I have been stirred, perhaps even shaken at times.

Every day I get the chance to laugh and cry, to applaud and chastise, to be silent and let loose.

I'm getting my shit together. Quite impressively together! And I'm getting the perspective as right as I can. To see it all with eyes of love. To forgive those who don't know the difference and hope that they someday will.

The more life I live - the good the bad the ugly - the more I believe that life is beauty and beauty is life, even if I'm the only one who thinks that it is so.

Namaste.

If you've been wondering where I am/how I am... still here! Just mostly too tired to speak. The first few weeks of school are like that every year. Most days are just not long enough to get it all done!

This week has been particularly difficult. I've been battling a cold and sore throat (all those kid germs resurfacing) and exhaustion. Last night I was as low as low could go! Pretty close to my breaking point and I consider myself to have high tolerance. So I went to bed at 9 and got up at 7 feeling much better. Overtired is a place I really have to keep myself out of - it is my enemy to be certain.

Tonight I stayed late at school and sorted things out for next week. Having never taught grade 3 before, there are so many missing pieces in my mind construct of how it should all be done and even questions with regard to what needs to be done!

On the up side, I'm loving my kids. They're full of mischief and I wouldn't want them any other way! And at 8, they are blissfully unaware that I don't have my shit together.

;)

If I've learned anything as a teacher it is that every single one of us responds to love. Nothing contrived. Only the genuine article. And if we can see the spirit within another, nurture it and remove some of the obstacles that litter the path, we suddenly become miracle workers. I believe miracles happen every day.

Today it is me and the vacuum. And millions of bunnies to eradicate.

There is no security on this earth. Only opportunity.

Douglas MacArthur

I found myself making an unexpected decision this week. A long standing teacher in my school has taken a VP position in another location, leaving a kindergarten position open for a year long contract.

My current employment situation is to teach grade 3 while covering sick leave for someone entering their second year off and awaiting knee surgery. The possibility remains that this person may return before the end of the school year. However, if past behavior is any future predictor, and if I were a betting (wo)man...

The fact is my replacor has a long history of illness and is somewhere in the ball park of 125+ lbs overweight. Good luck with that knee. The knee requires replacement due to overcompensating after Achilles tendon surgery last year. So after knee surgery will the hip require replacement due to overuse?

The other consideration to this puzzle (apart from the hours I have already spent cleaning and clearing our the reamins of the room) is that this school district has shown itself committed to maintaining consistency in the classroom. Given that she has a six month recovery after surgery, and yet has to be scheduled for this operation, there will come a point at which they would not remove me from the position.

So I slept on the decision for a night and discussed it with husband. I've decided against the sure thing and opted to do what I really want to do instead.

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your reactions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"i" just can't get past it!

Several weeks ago (okay, months!) I printed off a list of values from a blog entry over at StevePavlina.com. Of course printing was as far as I got, until tonight.

And as I skimmed said list, these jumped out and made me LOL...

imagination

impartiality

independence

industry

ingenuity

inquisitiveness

insightfulness

inspiration

integrity

intelligence

intensity

intuition

inventiveness

I guess it really is all about me! (even my eyes are rolling)

;-)

bellagio

Is it wrong to love a photo you took yourself?

No, I don't think so either!

Just dreaming

I have a weakness for houses! And tonight I came across the most delicious (I say that because these homes literally made my mouth water) manufacturing site.

I particularly love a Craftsman inspired home. Probably because of the strong lines and angles, niches and alcoves. I'd be lying if I didn't say that the roof lines excite me, all that rise over run on the outside(!) and living in the rafters on the inside. It's a house that can hold its own without having to be the biggest or the best in the neighborhood. It is as beautiful and at home in a modern day subdivision as it is on the farm or among its relatives on a 1920's street. I like that it lends to the traditional and calms my senses with porch sitting sensibilities (where I come from long hours porch sitting is an important ingredient to a good life).

Deep breath. I'm terribly inspired and just slightly depressed that this house does not belong to me!

On the rocks, please!

I just recently found a great recipe for margaritas. Well, it wasn't totally great, so I messed around with it to get something spectacular, my humble opinion of course!

First you need to create a frozen mix:

1 - 12 0z can of MinuteMaid lemonade concentrate
1 - 12 oz can of MinuteMaid limeade concentrate

Keep this mix in a freezer safe container and use as a concentrate to make pitchers of the stuff!

The Margarita:
4 oz frozen mix
16 oz water
4 oz tequila
1 oz triple sec
3 freshly sequeezed limes
Stir.

I also added some coarsely ground sea salt directly into my glass. You could also rim with sugar or salt depending on your preference.


Enjoy on the rocks.

Back to Work...

industrious

adjective
1. characterized by hard work and perseverance [syn: hardworking]
2. working hard to promote an enterprise [syn: energetic]

WordNet® 3.0, © 2006 by Princeton University.

_______________

Okay, so I'm not officially back to work. But I have returned home after a month of river watching and raindrop catching and feel as though my break from reality was sufficient.

And I am ready to tackle those small naggling projects (clutter messes) that take up valuable real estate in both my home and head. Oh they are small and individually require only a few minutes here and there... but my excuse is that June was such a strangely unproductive month (and even a bit fucked up with my dad being here and not sure what was taking place between he and mom - not that it is really my concern, however him in my house does open the door to it being my business!).

So I was thinking that my biggest obstacle is (of course) my self. And perhaps I've lacked just a bit in motivation and been topped up on procrastination. So rather than wait for some supernatural catalyst to set me off, I'm just going to start by being industrious and trust that the doing will lead to motivation - as it so often does!

A great lesson reinforcer that I came away from home with this time around is that we MUST design the way in which we want to live and then consciously live it. Although I 'got this' previously, seeing the opposite on such a widespread scale was off putting! I don't believe it is an exaggeration to state that where I come from, most people carry out their lives without method or model to guide them. Seeing people that I love, living in chaos and confusion and ultimately paying a very high price for unattended living gave me a heart hurt I was not quite prepared for. (Okay, so maybe there was a catalyst after all.)

Ultimately it all follows awareness principles. Can you follow the course of current action and attention (or lack thereof) to a plausible future outcome? No one can predict the future but neither should one deny cause and affect/effect. Those who set their mind to what they want and follow with progressive action are the same ones who take the time to show up and claim it when it is being handed out.

Take care of business today. It may be a prodigious feat... or it may involve taking out the garbage and filing the bills - ultimately making way for future herculean accomplishments.

Romantic...

pertaining to, or characteristic of a style of literature and art that subordinates form to content, encourages freedom of treatment, emphasizes imagination, emotion, and introspection, and often celebrates nature, the ordinary person, and freedom of the spirit. reference: dictionary.com

“Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.”

Charles Dickens

“How could drops of water know themselves to be a river? Yet the river flows on.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“What makes a river so restful to people is that it doesn't have any doubt - it is sure to get where it is going, and it doesn't want to go anywhere else.”
Hal Boyle